高考英語北京卷情景作文中有效細(xì)節(jié)添加的實踐研究(編輯修改稿)
2025-09-01 17:59 本頁面
【文章內(nèi)容簡介】 述比較接近《考試說明》提供的參考范文。按照《考試說明》提供的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，這句話基本涵蓋了圖片的內(nèi)容要點，句式工整，詞匯豐富，沒有語法錯誤。但問題在于這句話既包括要點又包括細(xì)節(jié)，導(dǎo)致細(xì)節(jié)支撐過于單薄。因此，筆者建議在描述每一幅圖時，最好將要點和細(xì)節(jié)分開，本著“要點簡單準(zhǔn)確，細(xì)節(jié)豐富有效”的原則進行寫作。 ［修改］This morning, I was jogging along the road in my neighborhood when I came across a foreign couple with a map. Confused looks and doubtful expressions were clear on their faces and immediately it dawned on me that they must have been lost. 6. 細(xì)節(jié)過于冗繁 細(xì)節(jié)添加過于冗繁是細(xì)節(jié)添加不當(dāng)?shù)牧硪粋€極端。冗繁的細(xì)節(jié)必然會涉及較多的細(xì)節(jié)信息，但一個圖片要點的支撐和拓展往往不需要過多細(xì)節(jié)信息的介入。添加過多的細(xì)節(jié)不僅容易偏離對要點的有效支撐，還會因篇幅過長導(dǎo)致答題時間緊張。 ［案例］針對圖２的第二幅圖片，某學(xué)生的描述如下：Without any hesitation, I hurried to run to them. When I greeted with them, they smiled slightly. They said their destination was unfamiliar to them. It was the Temple of Heaven and they didn39。t know how to get there. It was a good chance to show the enthusiasm of Chinese and it39。s known to the world that we Chinese are hospitable. So I briefly introduced the Temple of Heaven with fluent English. ［評析］有效細(xì)節(jié)的添加要注意詳略得當(dāng)。這位學(xué)生處理這幅圖片時的最大問題在于對細(xì)節(jié)的添加過于詳細(xì)，體現(xiàn)為表達(dá)上和細(xì)節(jié)補充上的冗繁。具體來講，表達(dá)上“They said their destination was unfamiliar to them. It was the Temple of Heaven and they didn39。t know how to get there.”這兩句可以合并為“They said their destination，the Temple of Heaven, was unfamiliar to them and they didn39。t know how to get there.”；細(xì)節(jié)補充上，“it39。s known to the world that we Chinese are hospitable”等內(nèi)容有些多余。細(xì)節(jié)豐富能把圖片的靜態(tài)內(nèi)容進行較大程度的動態(tài)還原，但由于細(xì)節(jié)比例過大，涉及信息太多，容易造成要點的偏離。 ［修改］I walked towards them, asking them whether they needed help. They nodded with a smile. After a brief conversation, I knew that they were planning to visit the Temple of Heaven but had lost their way because they took a bus going in the opposite direction. 7. 細(xì)節(jié)內(nèi)容不合情理 添加的細(xì)節(jié)不合情理是學(xué)生常犯的錯誤之一，添加合情合理的細(xì)節(jié)也是有效細(xì)節(jié)添加中最難完成的任務(wù)。究其原因主要是學(xué)生對圖的整體把握不到位，過于依賴自己的生活經(jīng)驗和主觀想象。 ［案例］針對2013年海淀區(qū)高三一模考試英語卷情景作文（圖３）中的第三幅圖片，某學(xué)生的描述如下：Because Tim was very worried about his newlybought camera, I asked him to calm down. Suddenly, I remembered that I had got the invoice in my pocket with the help of which I can give a phone call to the taxi pany. However, when I was calling the pany, I noticed that taxi ing to us. The driver had discovered the camera and he was ing to send it back. 圖３ 2013年海淀區(qū)高三一模英語卷情景作文 ［評析］根據(jù)故事的發(fā)展線索，第三幅圖片的要點是：I got in touch with the taxi pany with the phone number printed on the invoice. 有效細(xì)節(jié)部分應(yīng)著重描寫當(dāng)時的焦慮以及想到通過發(fā)票可以聯(lián)系到出租車公司和出租車司機的興奮。這位學(xué)生添加的細(xì)節(jié)避開了圖片中呈現(xiàn)的通過發(fā)票聯(lián)系出租車公司的要點，指出是出租車司機主動回來歸還丟失的相機。這樣寫無論從四幅圖還是從單幅圖的故事來看，都不符合邏輯。 ［修改］With anxiety and hope, we found the invoice of the taxi, on which a phone number was printed. So with its help, I managed to get in touch with the taxi pany. J
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