【正文】 你是否見過這樣一位老者，他眼睛里透射著智慧，當(dāng)他溫柔地詢問你的健康，或以簡短的撫慰讓你感到平靜和放心時，他對你的關(guān)愛是那樣顯露無遺？這樣的老者內(nèi)心所散發(fā)出的精神才是真正的美，這種美不是瓶瓶罐罐的化妝品所能買得到的。t be bought in a jar.這其中的秘密就在于這種成長是他人可見的，而且這種努力在一個人的全身上下都能得到展現(xiàn)。9 The secret is that this growth is visible to others, and the effort registers on one39。這些人生經(jīng)歷是對我們心靈的歷練。但從每一例這樣的事件中，我們都不斷地學(xué)習(xí)、成長。我們努力抗拒新奇事物的潮流的誘惑及廣告的操縱。s workout, and though we may groan and plain, we can feel the growth eventually.我們來自各種不同的背景，而且有時意見相左，但是我們盡力互相關(guān)心。s decisions, but we care for each other the best we can. We struggle to be less selfindulgent, more passionate and understanding. We try to resist the lure of novelty fads, the manipulations of advertising. We survive through social phenomena that we don39。8 We e from numerous backgrounds and we don39。我們只是平凡的、實(shí)實(shí)在在的、有缺點(diǎn)的人。7 The humans in my life are not the barren, selfabsorbed beautiful people of the screen. We39。人際關(guān)系中的摩擦、沖突和安慰使我變得成熟并充滿激情。 songs in spring — stretches it, making me feel humble and majestic, all at the same time. Human relationships bruise, collide and fort, teaching me maturity and passion. Love urges my soul to blossom and glow, affection elicits feelings of eternity, and so I learn to accept others as they are.我所知道的唯一的精神升華的途徑就是通過情感。生活的意義不在于通過維持某種年輕時髦的外表來掩蓋自己，而在于精神的成長和升華。s about growing and deepening your soul.我要強(qiáng)調(diào)的是，世界上所有的面霜、健身鍛煉、飲食風(fēng)尚、抗抑郁癥的百憂解膠囊，乃至許多人在一起打坐冥思等等，都不能改善一個人的生活、身體或精神狀況。5 I underscore that all the face creams, physical workouts, dietary fads, Prozac capsules and meditation regiments in the world aren39。給他們提供治療時，如果在治療開始前，我告訴他們，他們在媒體上所看到的每秒鐘的圖像都耗資數(shù)萬，每個明星都有幾十個人專門為其打理形象，使其外表悅目（甚至是裸體時也是如此），而且明星們保持形象是一件既費(fèi)力又費(fèi)時的事，這會對他們的治療有所幫助。每天我都要接待許多客戶，他們都是因?yàn)樯畈粔颉巴昝馈倍妒芮楦型纯?。t realize that they39。t attain life as they see it on the big screen. It helps when I preface our sessions with the mention that tens of thousands of dollars go into every second of media they see, that stars have dozens of people devoted exclusively to making them look good (even when they39。4 I work as a psychotherapist, and clients e to my office every day scarred with emotional pain because their lives aren39。世界上任何一位肌肉發(fā)達(dá)的男模都不能取代我自己的這位性感、外向的伴侶。我們一起歡笑，一起分擔(dān)日常生活的磕磕絆絆。但近二十年來，我們共同成長，遠(yuǎn)超肌膚之表。他是我丈夫，一個真實(shí)的、有人情味的、情感上可以靠近的人。t replace my very own, sensual, outgoing friend. It took me 37 years to find him, and I39。re about the same age, and our looks have corroded a bit over time. After almost 20 years, though, we have grown together in ways that go far deeper than the surface of our skin. Our life is lovely even if it doesn39。它是一個情感和精神的旅程，需要人有信念才能獲得，而且這種信念的動力來自慷慨和充滿愛心的善良。美是一個成長的過程，是一種通過意識和學(xué)習(xí)而達(dá)到的自我改造。s about meaning, and being real. It39。t get there via technology. It39。而且，外表漂亮的人并不一定就幸福。許多人的做法堪比男女演員為了使自己在屏幕上看起來完美無瑕而采取的手段。TextBMaking the choice to be truly beautiful選擇擁有真正的美麗1 Extreme makeovers are all the rage these days, with too many people addicted to Botox injection parties and reality shows. Plastic surgery is on the rise. Many people are trying to match the extraordinary measures actors and actresses go through to look perfect on the screen. Yet, the shortcuts to create biomedical happiness by having surgery, taking supplements or dieting don39。克勞馥的一樣。但是，你也不能慷慨地大放空洞之詞，贊美她的鞋子和裙子是多么相配，因?yàn)樗滥闶窃谡f謊。re not qualified to voice a subjective opinion on anybody39。re lying. She has spent countless hours worrying about the differences between her looks and Cindy Crawford39。t shower her with empty pliments about how her shoes plement her dress nicely because she39。re a man, and a woman asks you how she looks, you can39。t notice when it only exposes women to prosecution from other women?女性參與這種極端的從眾行為，實(shí)際上是把自己置于其他女性的審視之下，因?yàn)橹挥心切┡圆庞匈Y格評價她們所付出的努力。四十多年來，我在聽男性談?wù)撆詴r，從來沒有一次聽到過哪位男性這樣說：“她的指甲真漂亮?。　睂Υ蠖鄶?shù)男性來說，像指甲這樣小的東西看起來都一樣，無論一個女士的指甲是用粉色指甲油涂得完美無瑕，還是光光的毫無修飾，男性都一概視而不見。s bare nails.當(dāng)然，女性會爭辯說她們對外表的熱衷追求是出于對來自男性的壓力的一種反應(yīng)。他們也許會對布拉德說：“是嗎？那么帥哥，你對草坪維護(hù)又知道多少？”9 Of course women argue that they bee obsessed with appearance as a reaction to pressure from men. The truth is that most men think beauty is more than just lipstick and perfume and take no notice of these extra details. I have never once, in more than 40 years of listening to men talk about women, heard a man say, She had gorgeous fingernails! To most men, little things like fingernails are all homogeneous anyway, and one woman39。與女性不同，男性的外貌美不是社會所關(guān)注的唯一焦點(diǎn)。我的意思是你不可能讓一群中年男子在布拉德t face the same societal focus purely on physical beauty, and they39。m just saying that you39。8 I39。所有這些婦女都非常忠實(shí)地按照辛迪說的做了?？藙陴ズ脱莶ナ依锏挠^眾分享了自己的化妝秘訣。盡管如此，產(chǎn)值達(dá)幾十億美元的美容業(yè)，在超市化妝品銷售專區(qū)的配合下，總是在不停地攻擊著女性的自尊，使其相信自己只有購買最新的保濕面霜、古銅散粉，以及各種美容器具，才能“激發(fā)和恢復(fù)”肌膚活力。 she stressed how important it was to adhere to the guidelines, like applying products via the tips of their fingers to protect elasticity. All the women dutifully did this, even though it was obvious to any rational observer that, no matter how carefully they applied these products, they would never have Cindy Crawford39。這個玩偶盡管樣子不好看，但仍然非常自信。與女孩玩具的這種荒唐標(biāo)準(zhǔn)相比，小男孩們得到的“動作玩偶”卻是完全不同的模樣。女孩成長過程中擺弄的洋娃娃，如果按照身材比例還原為真人大小的話，就會是7英尺高，61英磅重，大腿纖細(xì)，上身豐滿。t inborn, but created through the interaction of many plex psychological and societal factors, beginning with the dolls we give them as children. Girls grow up playing with dolls proportioned so that, if they were human, they would be seven feet tall and weigh 61 pounds, with tiny thighs and a large upper body. This is an absurd standard to live up to, especially when you consider the size of the doll39。她把身體上的極小的不完美之處加以放大，并且幻想這些缺點(diǎn)十分明顯，以至于全世界的人都會注意到并且嘲笑她?！币晃慌?，無論她看起來多么吸引人，她對自己的看法總是由于受美容業(yè)的影響而蒙著一層陰影。m beautiful. She magnifies the smallest imperfections in her body and imagines them as glaring flaws the whole world will notice and ridicule.女性可不是這樣看待自己的。對于一位男性來說，如果能花四分鐘刮刮胡子，結(jié)束之后再把粘到頭發(fā)上的剃須膏擦凈，又沒有出血太厲害，他就覺得自己已經(jīng)盡心盡力了。男性不是特別注重自己的外貌，也不會從美學(xué)的角度去審視自己。如果他們偶爾想到自己外表的話，他們愿意認(rèn)為自己樣貌中等。t bleeding too badly, he feels he39。 average is fine. They don39。4 Most men, I believe, are not arrogant about their looks. If the transient thought passes through their minds at all, they like to think of themselves as average