【正文】 lipstick and perfume and take no notice of these extra details. I have never once, in more than 40 years of listening to men talk about women, heard a man say, She had gorgeous fingernails! To most men, little things like fingernails are all homogeneous anyway, and one woman39。re a man, and a woman asks you how she looks, you can39。但是，你也不能慷慨地大放空洞之詞，贊美她的鞋子和裙子是多么相配，因為她知道你是在說謊。而且，外表漂亮的人并不一定就幸福。它是一個情感和精神的旅程，需要人有信念才能獲得，而且這種信念的動力來自慷慨和充滿愛心的善良。但近二十年來，我們共同成長，遠超肌膚之表。t attain life as they see it on the big screen. It helps when I preface our sessions with the mention that tens of thousands of dollars go into every second of media they see, that stars have dozens of people devoted exclusively to making them look good (even when they39。5 I underscore that all the face creams, physical workouts, dietary fads, Prozac capsules and meditation regiments in the world aren39。人際關系中的摩擦、沖突和安慰使我變得成熟并充滿激情。s decisions, but we care for each other the best we can. We struggle to be less selfindulgent, more passionate and understanding. We try to resist the lure of novelty fads, the manipulations of advertising. We survive through social phenomena that we don39。這些人生經(jīng)歷是對我們心靈的歷練。你是否見過這樣一位老者，他眼睛里透射著智慧，當他溫柔地詢問你的健康，或以簡短的撫慰讓你感到平靜和放心時，他對你的關愛是那樣顯露無遺？這樣的老者內(nèi)心所散發(fā)出的精神才是真正的美，這種美不是瓶瓶罐罐的化妝品所能買得到的。但從每一例這樣的事件中，我們都不斷地學習、成長。8 We e from numerous backgrounds and we don39。 songs in spring — stretches it, making me feel humble and majestic, all at the same time. Human relationships bruise, collide and fort, teaching me maturity and passion. Love urges my soul to blossom and glow, affection elicits feelings of eternity, and so I learn to accept others as they are.我所知道的唯一的精神升華的途徑就是通過情感。給他們提供治療時，如果在治療開始前，我告訴他們，他們在媒體上所看到的每秒鐘的圖像都耗資數(shù)萬，每個明星都有幾十個人專門為其打理形象，使其外表悅目（甚至是裸體時也是如此），而且明星們保持形象是一件既費力又費時的事，這會對他們的治療有所幫助。4 I work as a psychotherapist, and clients e to my office every day scarred with emotional pain because their lives aren39。他是我丈夫，一個真實的、有人情味的、情感上可以靠近的人。美是一個成長的過程，是一種通過意識和學習而達到的自我改造。許多人的做法堪比男女演員為了使自己在屏幕上看起來完美無瑕而采取的手段。re not qualified to voice a subjective opinion on anybody39。t notice when it only exposes women to prosecution from other women?女性參與這種極端的從眾行為，實際上是把自己置于其他女性的審視之下，因為只有那些女性才有資格評價她們所付出的努力。與女性不同，男性的外貌美不是社會所關注的唯一焦點。8 I39。 she stressed how important it was to adhere to the guidelines, like applying products via the tips of their fingers to protect elasticity. All the women dutifully did this, even though it was obvious to any rational observer that, no matter how carefully they applied these products, they would never have Cindy Crawford39。t inborn, but created through the interaction of many plex psychological and societal factors, beginning with the dolls we give them as children. Girls grow up playing with dolls proportioned so that, if they were human, they would be seven feet tall and weigh 61 pounds, with tiny thighs and a large upper body. This is an absurd standard to live up to, especially when you consider the size of the doll39。對于一位男性來說，如果能花四分鐘刮刮胡子，結束之后再把粘到頭發(fā)上的剃須膏擦凈，又沒有出血太厲害，他就覺得自己已經(jīng)盡心盡力了。 average is fine. They don39。相信我，這是最簡單的方法。12 The truth is that every pull of the lever has the same winning probability of nearly one in a trillion, regardless of how much money has been put in before — the previous plays were sunk costs.而事實是，不論他們之前投入了多少錢，每一次拉動拉桿的成功幾率都同樣是極小的——之前投入的那些即為沉沒成本。同樣，人們也可能因懼怕遭到人身侵犯或者強暴而不敢再在晚上出門。但在現(xiàn)實中，人們的信心卻大大超過了其判斷的準確度。這種偏差包含兩部分：第一，我們往往只收集且只依賴對我們的已有觀點起支持作用的信息；第二，我們回避或否認那些與自己之前所持的假設相左的信息。 success as the product of mere luck.最常見的偏差之一就是通常所說的“基本歸因錯誤”。這一價值體系所隱含的前提是，聰明人借助自己豐富的學識會作出更高明的決定。m more interested in a different petitioner — Rob and I are back together.“我對另一位求愛者更感興趣——羅伯和我重歸于好了。t take them so literally. I mean this is all academic. You know the things you learn in school don39。再錯幾步我可就無法挽回了?！坝H愛的，”我開口說，同時寬容地拍了拍她的手，“五次約會已經(jīng)夠多了，畢竟你不需要吃掉整個蛋糕才知道它是不是好吃?！?8 Oh? she said, a little disappointed.“哦？”她回答說，有一點失望。醫(yī)生們不是在參加考試以檢查他們學到了多少，而學生卻是?！?1 She blinked, still trying hard to keep back her tears.她眨著眼睛，仍在竭力地忍住眼淚。18 Listen closely, I said. A man applies for a job. When the boss asks him what his qualifications are, he says he has six children to feed.“聽好了，”我說，“有個人去申請工作，當老板問他有什么應聘資格時，他說他有六個孩子要撫養(yǎng)。t speak French. Looks like nobody at this school can speak French.“接下來是‘草率結論’?！?0 She nodded in agreement.她點頭表示贊同?！? Cool, she said over her gum.“好酷啊，”她一邊嚼著口香糖一邊說。3 Radiant she was already. I could dispense her enough pearls of wisdom to make her wellspoken.“光彩照人”，她已經(jīng)是了。t the brightest guy. Polly wasn39。d give me his girl in exchange for my jacket. He wasn39。如果我能夠讓我所申請的頂尖律師事務所看到我身邊伴隨著一位光彩照人、談吐優(yōu)雅的另一半，我就很有可能在競聘中以微弱優(yōu)勢獲勝。5 Logic.“邏輯學。比方說：運動是有益的，所以每個人都應該運動。t speak French. Rob can39?！?7 She nodded with delight.她高興地點了點頭。這個人根本沒有回答老板的問題，而只是在博取老板的同情，這就是‘文不對題’。t make an analogy between them.“波莉，”我抱怨道，“別打岔，這一推論是錯誤的。t discuss fallacies.“波莉，”當我們又一次坐在那棵橡樹下的時候我對她說，“今晚我們不討論邏輯謬誤了。s good.我被逗得笑了起來，她功課還真學得不錯，大大超過了我的預期。d learned her lessons too well. A few more false steps would be my doom. I decided to change tactics and try flattery instead.我又笑了笑，不過不覺得那么有趣了，同時還不能表露出我害怕她學得太好了。36 You certainly can discern a fallacy when you see it, I said, my hopes starting to crumble. But don39。41 I39。ve learned, will formulate better decisions. Often this is true. Yet psychologists who study human decisionmaking processes have uncovered cognitive biases mon to all people, regardless of intelligence, that can lead to poor decisions in experts and laymen alike.傳統(tǒng)觀念將智力和思維的縝密性看作現(xiàn)代大學領域和科技產(chǎn)業(yè)工作的重要素質。 I lost mine because of the recession. It also leads us to attribute our own success to our qualifications, discounting luck, while seeing others39。5 Confirmation bias is sometimes found together with fundamental attribution error. This one has two parts. First, we tend to gather and rely upon information that only confirms our existing views. Second, we avoid or veto things that refute our preexisting hypotheses.“確定性偏差”有時會和“基本歸因錯誤”一并出現(xiàn)。在一個理想的世界，當我們百分之百地確信某件事時，我們就百分之百地正確；當我們百分之八十地確信某件事時，我們就百分之