【文章內(nèi)容簡(jiǎn)介】 ? 荊軻Off course!聳聳肩表示同意 李莫愁 Come on!音樂起兩人沖上前來“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，兩刀砍死你啊。” 李莫愁倒地 荊軻大笑 李莫愁痛苦狀：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?荊軻: We don39。t need any reason to win a 39。t we? Do we?（贏一個(gè)人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, never know what you39。re gonna get.” I got it, Momma is 太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you? 荊柯：Fine, thank you, and you? 太子丹：Oh my God!Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”? 荊柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you? 荊柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife? 太子丹暈倒荊柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（畢恭畢敬）May I have your name card, please? 荊軻從兜里掏出一卷紙，上面寫著：To be or not to be, that39。s a ：Hero，we need your ：I am busy now!太子丹：You can get a lot of ：I am very busy now!阿三：IC, ID, IQ card? 荊柯：I am very very busy now!阿三(手指上場(chǎng)的美女，激動(dòng)狀): Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the you say ., she is （流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!阿三：What? What’s the TCM?荊柯。Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the ：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?觀眾甲：TCMTraditional Chinese ：I must show you the trump and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming is a brand new product of Unilever （激動(dòng)）：Slimming tea!I have dreamed of it for thousands of wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my ：You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak it!Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？難道你真的想要嗎……（《No matter》音樂起，荊軻先與阿三跳探戈，擁入懷中，又甩出去，阿三做嘔吐狀。然后荊軻與太子丹跳倫巴，最后太子丹擺一個(gè)女性化的造型，向后彎腰并抬其中一條腿，荊軻做調(diào)戲狀。）荊柯(誠(chéng)懇狀)Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for （撞胯，擊掌）Yeah!Action Ш（《大話西游》主題曲響起）荊珂挽著妻子，太子丹,：Hero, we have already reached Yishui ：Just stop here, , my friends 太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（太子丹，阿三下。停頓。《泰坦尼克號(hào)》主題曲起，荊軻與妻子做Jack和rose在船頭的經(jīng)典造型，忽然荊軻看到一個(gè)美女——此時(shí)一個(gè)中國(guó)古典美女經(jīng)過，向荊軻拋媚眼，并拋下定情手絹。荊軻高興的盯著美女看，妻子發(fā)覺不對(duì)，扭過頭來。）荊珂（急忙收斂）：Darling, I love ：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救贖》）荊珂(流淚)：I love you spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.(哪怕是世界末日我都會(huì)愛著你，選自《飄》)妻子： a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for （欲走還留，執(zhí)子之手又曰）：Sweetheart!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克號(hào)沉船時(shí)，Jack對(duì)Rose的傾訴）.妻子:“I promise.” 荊軻:“Never let go.“妻子:”I will never let go, 39。ll never let go.（荊軻的發(fā)音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克號(hào)》的臺(tái)詞。）妻子努力擠出幾滴眼淚，荊珂上船，漸漸遠(yuǎn)去妻子：It’s a good day to e …… Never……妻子(掏出手機(jī)撥號(hào)，阿三接手機(jī))： Thank you very soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your ：Okay okay!旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by End第四篇：話劇《荊軻刺秦王》劇本()荊軻刺秦王（歷史荒誕劇）人物：太子丹，荊軻，秦舞陽(yáng)，秦王，本拉登，侍衛(wèi)2人，旁白旁白：（背景音樂《曹操》）話說約公元前NNN年，秦王繼續(xù)實(shí)施自己吞并六國(guó)的宏偉大計(jì)，慢慢逼近燕國(guó)。此時(shí)，為了保住燕國(guó)，燕太子丹也正在實(shí)行自己的行刺秦王計(jì)劃，他變賣了所有的家當(dāng)，然后在全國(guó)范圍內(nèi)招募可以前往秦國(guó)行刺的勇士。傳說中的荊軻刺秦王的故事就是這么開始的。旁：號(hào)外，號(hào)外，太子丹為妹妹比武招親了啊，各路英雄想一睹公主的美貌的，趕快報(bào)名羅！第一幕 萬(wàn)人叢中覓英雄（招募現(xiàn)場(chǎng)，人物：太子丹，荊軻，阿富汗大叔本拉登）旁白：比武招親大會(huì)總決賽現(xiàn)在開始，傳選手，燕國(guó)大將荊軻，阿富汗大叔本拉登進(jìn)殿。太子丹：歡迎！歡迎！請(qǐng)坐！請(qǐng)坐！哇噻，還來了位外國(guó)朋友，為了表示禮貌，先跟這位外國(guó)友人打聲招呼先。（對(duì)拉登大叔）HELLO啊，English You know 啊? You know 不 know啊? 那個(gè)My name is TAI ZI DAN，那個(gè)you name is what 啊?（拉登大叔一臉茫然）本拉登：太子殿下，我不僅懂中文，我還懂四川話呢！太子丹：哦，還懂四川話啊，不早說！那我學(xué)那么多外語(yǔ)豈不是浪費(fèi)了。好，兩位高手，歡迎來到今天的比武招親決賽現(xiàn)場(chǎng)。那個(gè)，不好意思啊，之前小弟跟大家開了個(gè)小小的玩笑，其實(shí)呢，今天召集大家來是為了商量行刺秦王，救天下百姓于水深火熱之中的大計(jì)！我妹妹呢，并沒有要比武招親，呵呵。（倆人揮袖離去）太子丹：唉，別，別走啊，這什么世道嘛…….（大喊）唉唉唉，回來！誰(shuí)要是前往行刺秦王，我就把公主許配給他?。▊z人快速歸位）太