【文章內(nèi)容簡(jiǎn)介】 這三層分別是依賴型自尊 independent selfesteem,獨(dú)立型自尊 and unconditional selfesteem 和無(wú)條件型自尊 Dependent selfesteem,the two ponents of it,依賴型自尊，它有兩個(gè)構(gòu)成部分 First of all,首先 person with high dependence needs the accolades of others constantly ,有高度依賴型自尊的人時(shí)刻需要他人的贊揚(yáng) chooses whether it39。s a career path or what to do this afternoon,不管選擇什么職業(yè)，還是決定下午做什么樣的小事 based on how much approval that will gain him or her 都是根據(jù)他人的認(rèn)同來(lái)做決定的 Person with dependent selfesteem 有依賴型自尊的人 when it es to petence 在能力感方面 always pares him or herself to others 總是拿自己跟別人比 較 Am I better or am I worse ?Superior or inferior?我比他們好還是差？比他們優(yōu)秀還是不如他們？ Independent selfesteem is selfesteem that39。s contingent on the self,獨(dú)立型自尊是一種取決于自我的自尊 in terms of how I evaluate myself,這樣的人在評(píng)價(jià)自己時(shí) that39。s my internal voice that39。s speaking 用的是自己的意見(jiàn) In terms of how my levels of petence are determined,他們的能力感取決于 it depends on how much I have improved,自己認(rèn)為自己進(jìn)步了多少 how much better I39。ve got,改善了多少 how much I feel that I have fulfilled my potential 覺(jué)得自己的潛力發(fā)揮了多少 That39。s independent selfesteem,這就是獨(dú)立型自尊 not contingent on what other people say or think 并不取決于他人的言論或想法 Unconditional selfesteem is the highest level,無(wú)條件型自尊是最高層次的自尊 the level that Maslow would talk aboutthe selfactualization,也就是Maslow 所說(shuō)的 “自我實(shí)現(xiàn) ” what David Schnarch talks about as differentiated David Schnarch所說(shuō)的 “分化良好型 ” or at the level of being known rather than desiring to be validated 想被了解，而不是被認(rèn)可 Unconditional selfesteem is our selfesteem is high enough 無(wú)條件性自尊是指我們的自尊高到 we feel good enough about ourselves,讓我們對(duì)自己感覺(jué)很好 not to be concerned with evaluations with others 所以我們并不在乎別人怎么看自己 or even with self evaluations 甚至不在乎自己怎么看自己 In terms of parison 在比較方面 We don39。t pare 。we are interdependent,我們不會(huì)比較，我們是相互依存的 connected to others 相互聯(lián)系的 So the example that I gave last time is of a book 我上節(jié)課舉得一個(gè)例子是寫(xiě)書(shū) Let39。s say I publish a book and I have high dependent selfesteem 假設(shè)我出版一本書(shū)，我是一個(gè)高度依賴型自尊的人 First of all,I write it 首先，我寫(xiě)這本書(shū) I publish it so that I can get accolades 我出版這本書(shū)，是為了得到贊揚(yáng) My primary motivation is external approval我的首要?jiǎng)訖C(jī)是獲得外界認(rèn)同 My primary motivation is wanting to bring out a book 我的首要?jiǎng)訖C(jī)是想出版一本 that will be better than the other books out so relative petence as well as externally otherdetermined 相比較而獲得的能力感，以及取決于外界 So if I bring in a book and write a book 又假設(shè)我寫(xiě)了一本書(shū) and I have high independent selfesteem我是一個(gè)高度獨(dú)立型自尊的人 I write it and I evaluate it ，我自己評(píng)價(jià) this is good work,or this is not so good,“這是一本好書(shū) ”或者 “這本書(shū)不怎么樣 ” needs improvement需要修改 In terms of parison,在比較方面 I pare to myself I39。ve improved a lot since I started writing我跟自己比較 “我比 起剛開(kāi)始寫(xiě)時(shí)進(jìn)步了很多 ” This book is actually better than my previous book 這本書(shū)比我之前一本要好 My work has bee more authentic,more real 我的書(shū)寫(xiě)的更真實(shí)了 That39。s independent selfesteem evaluation 這是獨(dú)立型自尊的評(píng)價(jià) Unconditional selfesteem,無(wú)條件型的自尊 the highest level that we know of。是我們所知的最高 層次的自尊 I write a book and I39。m not concerned about evaluation,我寫(xiě)了一本書(shū)，我不在乎評(píng)價(jià) whether it39。s good or bad of course ,I want to be better and better,不管它是好是壞，我當(dāng)然想變得越來(lái)越好 but that doesn39。t affect how I feel about myself 但這并不影響我對(duì)自己的感覺(jué) I simply exist我就是我 I write the book。I39。m in a state of flow,我寫(xiě)了這本書(shū)，我處于心流狀態(tài) experiencing the experience我體驗(yàn)這種經(jīng)歷 In terms of whether it39。s better than others 至于這本書(shū)是不是比別人的好 or better than I39。ve written it doesn39。t matter 或者比我以前寫(xiě)的好，這都不重要 What I39。m happy about 我高興的是 What makes me happy is bringing a good book into existence我寫(xiě)成了一本書(shū) And I would be as happy 如果別人也寫(xiě)了一本書(shū) if someone else wrote the book 我也回同樣替他感到高興 I39。d be as happy or happier that someone else wrote a better