【正文】 he had me at a weak moment. I was tired, I39。t speak to you again. Yo u39。s your fault. If they don39。s too short. I gotta go. As I hung up, I realized I had been placed in a classic nowin situation. Telling a friend to leave her husband is something you just don39。t. Do you think I should leave him? If you39。t change.... They haven39。s sleep deprived. Blah, blah, blah. I don39。s just tired and cranky. That was classic Richard. Tyrannical, emotionality abusive. I don39。m so embarrassed. Don39。t have to leave. It39。d take the fucking noise somewhere else. I39。ve got to be up in three hours when the markets open. I39。s her birthday. I39。39。39。 Guess what Barneys gets for this. Don39。cashmere cal.39。s a 39。s beautiful. It39。t have to. I know it39。d landed in Milan 30 minutes ago. My God. Come up to my apartment because I have something for you. The place looks fantastic! Richard39。m feeling no Paln. The next thing I know, this freaked out stewardess is slapping me awake. I open my eyes, I Look around the plane, it39。t remember if I39。s not you. I saw Eric on the street today. And I hid. After two years. I fot how hard it is. Just take all the time you need, okay? These are cold. So? And finally, the most important breakup rule. No matter who broke your heart or how long it takes to heal... ...you39。m a jerk. That39。t. I went to a pay phone. It39。ll go. But I didn39。t pay any more attention to me. Just go, please. Go to that bar thing. I39。t.... I39。t think I39。m really embarrassed. You39。s not you. This is.... This is really embarrassing. I39。m sorry. I39。ve you Good, good, good. Sorry. This is Joe Stark. I know who he is. I39。ll appear. As he made his way through the crowd, I felt calm. I had acplished the perfect first meeting. I looked good, I felt good, and I was with the new Yankee. Surprise. Look at you....I39。t move on to spitting. Hold my beer. Back, back, back. Sorry. Breakup rule number four. Never stop thinking about him even for a moment......because that39。t he call me? Just when Miranda decided she was the only woman in New York.....with any real perspective on men.... There he was. Eric Asshole. The former love of her life. Walking hand and hand with the woman he left her for. Somewhere between playing the Royals and the Red Sox... ...the new Yankee found a minute to teach me some dugout pastimes. One, two, three, toss. you don39。t bring herself to tell him the problem was foul balls. This is too fast. Way too fast. First es the underwear, then you move in. And then the next thing I know, you hate my music. And that was that. He broke it offafter only three weeks. Charlotte, true to form, was over him in exactly a week and a half. Whenever Miranda was feeling stressed, she went for a long walk. She39。s not Like that. It39。t even made Love and you39。s not a problem, is it? But there was no joy in Mudville. Mighty Samantha had struck out. But a little further uptown, the ball game was just getting started. I have a present for you. I thought you just gave me one. I was at Barneys today. Here. Charlotte had decided a possible solution to her problem......might be as simple as briefs vs. boxers. The salesman said that these were the very best. They39。s that? It39。s like seventh grade with bank accounts. What about us? What we think, we feel, we know...Christ! Does it always have to be about them? Give me a call when you39。s out of the picture. Let39。s amazing. This is so great. The first time Big sees you, you Look great and you39。s me. You39。s a proud day for me. That dress just Pald for itself. Big is gonna see this and die. I don39。39。sexpert39。39。39。t so private. You39。re kind of cute. You39。 You39。Kind of cool.39。s just.... 39。s why you invited the new Yankee. and why you maxed out your credit card to buy the dress. When Mr. Big never made an appearance, I decided to make the best of it. I actually got to know a little about this new Yankee. His name was Joe. So, Joe, the new Yankee.... How39。t thought about it. Breakup rule number two. Lie. It39。ll be here? I don39。s wrong? I thought I saw.... Where? No, it wasn39。s fucking magical. He was handsome, smart, eclectic. The perfect match for Charlotte. Except for one minor snag. The authenticity of Miles39。t really like that jazz stuff. I39。t believe it. This guy39。d taken it with a disposable camera. ...before it ever dawned on me that we could be disposable as well. It was then and there I created my own very first breakup rule: Destroy all pictures where he looks sexy and you look happy. The party was a plete home run. All the fashion heavyhitters were there. Charlotte was dating Paul Erickson ...the . of a major recording label39。 Gabbana party. The new Yankee was 10 minutes late. I was running 20 behind. I was reaching for my favorite necklace when.... I thought I39。t sign a motherfucking thing. Change your name, change your phone number. Change your job. They39。til three months have passed...and you39。re the guy that cried. Don39。t cry. 39。s go. She knew it was risky, but a day of watching big men...swing their big wooden bats proved to be too much for Samantha. She told herself there39。m the new Carrie. Let39。t. Yankee! I don39。m gonna ask him to the Deice amp。d be surprised. Here you go. Thank you. He39。s a little dull. What do you do? She writes a column. A sex column. Nothin39。ll sue me? No. I don39。m a lawyer. If I don39。s not too.... I39。m her friend. We were wondering if you39。s going through a breakup. Excuse me. Huge Yankee fan. We don39。m sedated from my Paln. She39。re drunk. I39。t help wondering if they were any higher......than finding a relationship that would last. Three innings, four beers and one shameless flash of my press pass later.... We waited outside the locker room to get my ball signed by the new Yankee. G