作文willphoneskillletterwriting-資料下載頁(yè)
2025-04-16 22:53本頁(yè)面
【正文】 of human civilization.這篇作文閱卷員給出了14分的高分。首先從短文的結(jié)構(gòu)來(lái)看，本文第一段指出時(shí)下的一種潮流，即電話交流比寫(xiě)信更為流行，然后引出自己的觀點(diǎn)：電話不會(huì)取代寫(xiě)信。第二段中作者闡述了兩點(diǎn)理由來(lái)論證自己的觀點(diǎn)，一方面認(rèn)為寫(xiě)信能比電話更為真誠(chéng)地傳達(dá)感情，另一方面在有些情況下，寫(xiě)信要比電話更為正式和得體。第三段也即結(jié)尾段中，作者客觀地表明自己并沒(méi)有全盤(pán)否定電話，而是認(rèn)為兩者都非常重要，通信方式的多樣化恰恰是人類(lèi)文明巨大進(jìn)步的體現(xiàn)。全文僅僅圍繞題目的要求，段落分明，表達(dá)思想清楚，行文較為流暢。再?gòu)恼Z(yǔ)言方面來(lái)看，文章上下文銜接緊湊，連貫性較好。用for one thing, for another 來(lái)從兩個(gè)方面論證自己的觀點(diǎn)，最后由however一詞引出自己的客觀的立場(chǎng)。而且無(wú)論是在用詞上還是在語(yǔ)法上，都表現(xiàn)出良好的基本功。例如：side with, timeconsuming as it may be , …can never be in a position to rival the spontaneous joy when …, the only and the best choice would be no other than …, abandon phone for … 等等。當(dāng)然，文章中也有一些美中不足的地方。例如，開(kāi)頭的There seems to be a fashion,其中seems to be a fashion意為“似乎有一種潮流”，只是似乎，那也有可能沒(méi)有呢，而如果沒(méi)有，作者就失去了立論依據(jù)，所以在這里最好直接改為T(mén)here is a fashion 就行了。另外，第一段中的nevertheless不是太恰當(dāng)，最好改成however或者as far as I am concerned 或者but?？傮w來(lái)說(shuō)，在35分鐘規(guī)定時(shí)間內(nèi)完成的這篇短文還是比較不錯(cuò)的，所以得到了14分的好成績(jī)。【例文2】Will Phones Kill Letter Writing?As the development of society and technology, some modern facilities have entered into our normal life, such as TV, fridge, airconditioning as well as phone. Actually, these things really bring a lot of convenience to us, especially the phone. You can use a phone when you are in an emergency case and the speed is very fast. So some people take it for granted that the phones will kill letter writing. But they neglect the advantages of letter writing. In my opinion, phones will not kill letter writing. The following reasons support my opinion.First, letter writing is an original way which had been used for a long period. You can write your true feelings and thoughts in the letters without nervous, you also can write your secrets to your close friends without being known by others, but you can’t do these by using telephone. In the second place, letter writing is far more cheaper than phone. You can write several pages and tell many things only to pay for a little money. But if you are talking a long time with telephone, you have to pay for a lot of money. Third, it is a best way to improve the relationship between you and your friend, the letters are much truer than words. What’s more, you can keep the letters for many years, it’s very convenient for you to recall some interesting things. But you can’t with the telephone.As far as I am concerned, phones will not kill letter writing. Both of them are useful. They have advantages respectively. You can choose anyone as your pleasure.這篇短文閱卷員給了9分，即及格分。短文基本切題，文字勉強(qiáng)連貫，基本上能表達(dá)作者的意思，但是開(kāi)頭段太過(guò)煩瑣，不能做到言簡(jiǎn)意賅。在論證過(guò)程中，語(yǔ)言平鋪直敘，句式平淡無(wú)齊。而且該考生在語(yǔ)法、拼寫(xiě)、大小寫(xiě)以及很常用的基本詞語(yǔ)的意義和用法上有存在很多問(wèn)題。 例如：entered into, without nervous, far more cheaper, pay for a little money 等等。好在在第二段中用了first, in the second place, third, what’s more來(lái)連接自己的幾個(gè)理由，結(jié)構(gòu)尚算清楚。 因此，這篇短文得了9分，顯然還要作很大的修改。
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