【正文】 ；當(dāng)我迷路時(shí)，是母親拉著我的手安慰我，最后作者說，我要感激母親，他不僅給予我愛，而且是她引導(dǎo)著我走向成功！無論從布局謀篇，還是從遣詞造句方面看，本文都稱得上是一篇佳作，望大家欣賞！修改：I was also strict by his wonderful speech,改為struck亮點(diǎn)：give sb a speech on… I still remember the scene where… be impressed by… a member of… with tears down their faces. be starch by… remind sb of… feel down. It seemed that… cheer sb up 1owe my thanks for… 1not only does she give me… （倒裝句型）別優(yōu)秀評(píng)分99分級(jí)師Lilaoshi評(píng)改There is a person who is very important in our life, who is that person? She is our mother.The other day, our school invited a famous man, a young speaker called Yang Qingsong, who gave us a speech on Mother’s love. I still remember the scene where many students were impressed by his words and a number of students were listening carefully with tears down their faces. I was also strict by his wonderful speech, which reminded me of my childhood. As a child, when I felt down, it seemed that the world was dark and empty. Then it was my mother who cheered me up and made the world suddenly bright and colorful。語點(diǎn)評(píng)；一件往事給作者留下了遺憾，也留下了深深的回憶，作者用心去寫，感情豐富，行文流暢。別優(yōu)秀評(píng)分98分級(jí)師Lilaoshi評(píng)改I’m so happy that I will have a twoday holiday soon. When I’m considering where I can to, a thing which happened one year ago es into my mind.I remembered clearly that it was a hot day. I stayed home and felt bored. Suddenly a bad idea struck me, so I called up my best friend and told her we would meet at the gate of the school at 8:30 the next day. But I broke my promise。尤其是過渡詞的巧妙使用，讓文章增色不少！A deep memory in my mind begin with, Furthermore, In conclusion,obviously, as a result,點(diǎn)評(píng)：論點(diǎn)鮮明，論據(jù)充分，結(jié)構(gòu)合理。 than...不僅僅是... our heavy burden ...that.... well as... time since.... is high time to admire...,也可接受，最好改為：It is high time for us to admire...或It is high time that we admired....虛擬語氣。 +主語+(should)+do/ be done虛擬語氣。 is such an agreeable proposal that I will never refute.語修改： tense the study in senior 3 is that...,應(yīng)該為：So tense is the study in senior3 that...,倒裝句型。別優(yōu)秀評(píng)分99分級(jí)師Lilaoshi評(píng)改語點(diǎn)評(píng)：文章語言通順，故事風(fēng)趣幽默，即給緊張的高中生活舒緩了一下氣氛，又達(dá)到了寓學(xué)于樂的目的！亮點(diǎn)：he was about to fall asleep when…, be about to do sth when…“正要干某事，這時(shí)……” take a short sleep after a short while only a few minutes laterLet39。別優(yōu)秀評(píng)分92分級(jí)師Lilaoshi評(píng)改竹山一中高一（15）班，談華智、劉劍成、胡偉、萬意、陶潤(rùn)、楊靜 it turned out that… which was more than words could describe 無法用語言描述。最后作者說：陽光總在風(fēng)雨后！加油吧！Come on!修改： went out the classroom. 改為：out of . with my bad 。語點(diǎn)評(píng)：數(shù)學(xué)考試不理想讓作者感到心傷，可是雨天的一幕情景：一棵小樹在暴風(fēng)雨的襲擊下仍堅(jiān)強(qiáng)挺立著，又讓作者信心倍增。別優(yōu)秀評(píng)分98分級(jí)師Lilaoshi評(píng)改Last week our teacher told us that there would be a maths exam the next week. I was frightened at the thought of the ing exam because I was not good at it. Yesterday morning, our math teacher came into the classroom with the test paper and then we had a twohour exam. In the evening, the teacher gave out the test paper, which brought my heart into my mouth. As I had expected, it turned out that I failed the exam, my heart was painful, which was more than words could describe.I went out the classroom. As with my bad mold, the weather was not good, it was raining heavily outside. Tears filling my eyes, suddenly, a usual sight came into my eyes: a small tree was thin against the strong wind and rain。Face the challenge bravely這對(duì)于提高文章的分?jǐn)?shù)很重要。竹山一中高一（15）班，組長(zhǎng)：施善強(qiáng)，組員：李敏、王盼、黃丹、張瑤、胡娟 I stopped to listen to the music. I was much moved. So I made up my mind to spend more time on math in order not to fail next. Because of hard work, I passed the math exam each time. Although I was not the best student in our class, pared with what I was, I have made much progress. At that time, I found everything was so beautiful against the blue sky!Perhaps the majority of people may meet with different kinds of problems in life. What should you do when you are in trouble? I want to say:” Believe yourself, Everyone Is Number One! ” 點(diǎn)評(píng)：這是一篇激情勵(lì)志的好散文，看罷后，仿佛這首歌正在耳邊回響，心情特輕松愉快；語言基本功也扎實(shí)，望作者繼續(xù)加油！亮點(diǎn)：not only …but also with tears in my eyes make up one’s mind in order not do sth because of hard work pared with …… make much progress against the blue sky the majority of … meet with…竹山一中高一（15）班，陳小喬、聞成、余杰、張坤、黃義強(qiáng)、王夢(mèng)佳 亮點(diǎn)：looking for e