【正文】 ，遵循慣例與規(guī)則，尊重權(quán)威 他們通常篤信宗教 —宗教信仰正屬于血清素系統(tǒng)— 傳統(tǒng)派自然找傳統(tǒng)派的人 如此一來，是同類相吸。In the other two cases, opposites very expressive ofthe testosterone system tend to be analytical, logical, direct, decisive, andthey go for their opposite: they go for somebody who39。s high estrogen, somebodywho39。s got very good verbal skills and people skills, who39。s very intuitive andwho39。s very nurturing and emotionally have natural patterns ofmate technology is not going to change who we choose to ，對(duì)立性才有吸引力。睪丸激素系統(tǒng)反應(yīng)活躍的人通常善于分析、邏輯思維強(qiáng)、直接、果斷，而他們尋找的是和他們對(duì)立的人，那些雌激素高的人，他們語言能力很強(qiáng)、善于處理人際關(guān)系、憑直覺行事且善于照顧他人，且直抒胸懷。人類擇偶有自然模式，現(xiàn)代技術(shù)不會(huì)改變我們選擇的對(duì)象。But technology is producing one moderntrend that I find particularly 39。s associated with the concept ofparadox of millions of years, we lived in little hunting andgathering didn39。t have the opportunity to choose between 1,000people on a dating 。我認(rèn)為它尤為重要。它和選擇悖論這一概念相關(guān)千萬年來，人類都生活在小型狩獵及采集社會(huì)，那時(shí)的人沒有機(jī)會(huì)在社交網(wǎng)站上千里挑一選擇對(duì)象。In fact, I39。ve been studying this recently, and Iactually think there39。s some sort of sweet spot in the brain。I don39。t know whatit is, but apparently, from reading a lot of the data, we can embrace aboutfive to nine alternatives, and after that, you get into what academics call39。cognitive overload,39。 and you don39。t choose ，從我最近對(duì)此的研究來看，我認(rèn)為大腦中有某種“最佳狀態(tài)點(diǎn)”。雖然我并不知道在哪兒，但從大量數(shù)據(jù)來看人類只能接受大概5~9個(gè)選項(xiàng)。在此之后，會(huì)變成某些學(xué)者稱的“認(rèn)知超載”。結(jié)果是不再做出選擇。So I39。ve e to think that due to thiscognitive overload, we39。re ushering in a new form of courtship that I call39。slow love.39。 I arrived at this during my work with for the last six years, we39。ve done a study called 39。Singles inAmerica.39。 We don39。t poll the Match population, we poll the use 5,000plus people, a representative sample of Americansbased on the US ，我想正是由于這種認(rèn)知超載我們引進(jìn)了一種新型求愛方式，我稱其為“慢慢愛”。這些都是我在 。過去六年中，我們做了一項(xiàng)研究名為“美國單身” ，而是整個(gè)美國人口。我們調(diào)查了5000多人，這是基于美國統(tǒng)計(jì)局的代表性樣本。We39。ve got data now on over 30,000 people,and every single year, I see some of the same single year whenI ask the question, over 50 percent of people have had a onenight standnotnecessarily last year, but in their lives50 percent have had a friends withbenefits during the course of their lives, and over 50 percent have lived witha person longterm before 。每年我都看到同樣的模式，向他們提問的結(jié)果是超過50%的人有一夜情的經(jīng)歷，并不一定是上一年，而是他們一生中，在他們的有生之年50%的人曾經(jīng)和朋友上過床。超過50%的人在婚前有過長期同居的經(jīng)歷。Americans think that this is doubted that for a long time。the patterns are too 39。s got tobe some Darwinian explanationNot that many people are ，但我一直不這么認(rèn)為，畢竟這種模式太普遍，肯定有某種類似于達(dá)爾文生物進(jìn)化的地方?？偛粫?huì)是那么多人都喪失了理智？And I stumbled, then, on a statistic thatreally came home to was a very interesting academic article in which Ifound that 67 percent of singles in America today who are living longterm withsomebody, have not yet married because they are terrified of 39。reterrified of the social, legal, emotional, economic consequences of I came to realize that I don39。t think this is recklessness。I think it39。，一篇極其有趣的學(xué)術(shù)文章發(fā)現(xiàn)67%的處于長期同居的美國未婚人士，之所以還未結(jié)婚是因?yàn)閾?dān)心離婚。他們擔(dān)心離婚后面對(duì)的社會(huì)、法律、情感以及經(jīng)濟(jì)后果。于是 我認(rèn)識(shí)到這并不是輕率的行為，而是謹(jǐn)慎。Today39。s singles want to know every single thing about a partner beforethey learn a lot between the sheets, not only about how somebody makeslove, but whether they39。re kind, whether they can listen and at my age, whetherthey39。ve got a sense of ，人們在結(jié)婚之前想對(duì)其伴侶的每一個(gè)細(xì)節(jié)了如指掌，同居能讓人了解到許多事情，不僅是對(duì)方的床上功夫，而是對(duì)方是否善良、是否善于傾聽以及到了我這個(gè)年紀(jì)所關(guān)心的，就是對(duì)方是否有幽默感。And in an age where we have too manychoices, we have very little fear of pregnancy and disease and we39。ve got nofeeling of shame for sex before marriage, I think people are taking their timeto ，很少為懷孕或疾病感到擔(dān)憂。且對(duì)婚前性行為毫無愧疚感，在這種情況下人們選擇愛得慢一些。And actually, what39。s happening is, whatwe39。re seeing is a real expansion of the premitment stage before you tie marriage used to be the beginning of a relationship, now it39。s the human brain而真實(shí)情況是這其實(shí)是婚前準(zhǔn)備階段的實(shí)際延伸。從前，婚姻意味著一段感情的開始。而現(xiàn)在它意味著尾聲，但人類大腦The human brain always triumphs, andindeed, in the United States today, 86 percent of Americans will marry by even in cultures around the world where they39。re not marrying as often,they are settling down eventually with a longterm 。如今，在美國 86%的美國人將在49歲結(jié)婚，即便在世界上結(jié)婚率不高的文化里，最終他們也會(huì)和長期伴侶安定下來。So it began to occur to me: during this longextension of the premitment stage, if you can get rid of bad relationshipsbefore you marry, maybe we39。re going to see more happy I did astudy of 1,100 married people in Americanot on , of courseandI asked them a lot of one of the questions was, 39。Would youremarry the person you39。re currently married to?39。 And 81 percent said,39。Yes.39。于是我突然想到：在這個(gè)長期婚前準(zhǔn)備期，如果你在婚前擺脫了一段糟糕的情感關(guān)系或許就會(huì)有更多美滿的婚姻。于是，我研究了美國1100位已婚人士。我問了很多問題其中一個(gè)是如果再給你一次機(jī)會(huì)，你還會(huì)選擇和現(xiàn)在的伴侶結(jié)婚嗎？ 81%的人說，會(huì)！In fact, the greatest change in modernromance and family life is not 39。s not even slow 39。s actuallywomen piling into the job market in cultures around the millions ofyears, our ancestors lived in little hunting and gathering to work to gather their fruits and came home with 60to 80 percent of the evening doubleine family was the were regarded as just as economically, socially and sexually powerful ，甚至也不是“慢慢愛”的結(jié)果。而是在全世界范圍內(nèi)大量女性進(jìn)入職場的結(jié)果。幾百萬年以來我們的祖先都生活在小型捕獵采集社會(huì)，女性忙于采摘，餐桌上60%~80%的食物是由她們帶回來的。雙份收入家庭是一般法則，女性不論在經(jīng)濟(jì)、社會(huì)還是性方面都和男性具有同等的地位。Then the environment changed some 10,000years ago, we began to settle down on the farm and both men and women becameobliged, really, to marry the right person, from the right background, from theright religion and from the right kin and social and political 39。s jobs became more important: they had to move the rocks, fell the trees,plow the brought the produce to local markets, and came home withthe equivalent of ，人類開始以農(nóng)耕為主，男女似乎有義務(wù)尋找合適的人結(jié)婚。對(duì)方必須有匹配的背景、宗教信仰、相稱的家族、社會(huì)及政治關(guān)聯(lián)。男性的工作變得更為重要，他們必須搬運(yùn)大石、砍樹、耕地，他們把農(nóng)產(chǎn)品帶到市場上賣換回來同等的錢。Along with this, we see a rise of a host ofbeliefs: the belief of virgini