【正文】 o much, and her excellent cooking skill!Now she has have to cook for my mother and (上): where’s my breakfast? where’s lunch? hasn’t she got up yet? j: mum, can’t you remember? lunch has gone!jm(沉吟片刻): well, to tell you the truth johnny, a son without a wife is is a nice girl, go and take her back!j(立正敬禮): yes madam!act4(j開心地走著，忽然跳出來三個(gè)強(qiáng)盜)a: hey you!stop and listen to us!the road is built by me!(抬腳重重地踩在一塊大石頭上)b: and i planted one tree!(亦抬腳踩在同一塊石頭上)c: if you want to go by this street(欲踩石頭，但踩到了a的腳)abamp。她比我勇敢、比我聰明、比我強(qiáng)壯。獻(xiàn)給所有曾經(jīng)逝去 正在擁有 即將發(fā)生卻從未離開過我們的——愛情第三篇：孔雀東南飛英語搞笑短劇劇本焦仲卿johnny(j for short)劉蘭芝lunch(l for short)焦母johnny’s mother(jm for short)劉母lunch’s mother(lm for short)太守之子mayor’s son(ms for short)強(qiáng)盜burglars(a b and c)prologue 序幕(j作被打狀跑上臺(tái),內(nèi)砸出一卷紙筒,j被打中,狼狽不堪)j:everybody says that i’m hen pecked, but in fact,i’m a strong tiger,(小聲)while my wife is ：人人都說我怕老婆，實(shí)際上我是老虎，（小聲）我妻子是武松。可即便這樣，錢也從來都不屬于我，我用他的錢買了一大堆堆砌我外在美麗的附屬品，可是我卻在也不是原來的我，在我選擇和你分手的時(shí)候我就丟掉了我自己，丟掉了自尊，丟掉了快樂。我現(xiàn)在去逛街，再也不用擔(dān)心買不起衣服，可是之前看中的幾十塊的裙子卻再也找不到了；去世界之窗，我卻想起了之前我們?cè)谛『永镒紧~的日子；買化妝品，可是我卻認(rèn)不出我自己了。郭建國(guó)：（盯著李阿芳）李阿芳：我沒有！郭建國(guó)：你說你的節(jié)操去哪了？李阿芳：節(jié)操在這呢！郭建國(guó)：你看看你現(xiàn)在的樣子，lv的包，迪奧的鞋，手里還一土豪金，跟人講話那得瑟?jiǎng)?，這還是那同桌的你嗎？曾經(jīng)的你可愛，善良，撒起嬌來像小貓一樣，現(xiàn)在小貓咋長(zhǎng)成山大王了呢，你基因變異了嗎！還一口一句的泡菜腔，你是吃多了紫菜包飯嗎？棒子國(guó)那些錐子臉們就沒有扎醒你嗎？對(duì)，我沒有錢，我只是沒有錢啊！李阿芳：難道我離開你選擇他只是為了錢嗎？對(duì)，我就為了錢。李阿芳：??？什么？7天見？周帥富：對(duì)，不見不散。李阿芳：誰還沒看過十幾遍的還珠格格啊，你果然還是太天真了。李阿芳：你怎么又來了？郭建國(guó)：阿芳，為什么？為什么？為什么？你真的不愛我了嗎？你忘記當(dāng)年在幽幽谷我們?cè)S下的諾言嗎？山無棱，天地合.....李阿芳：乃敢與君絕。（他在寢室下面攔住了剛和劉思思逛完街回來的阿芳）郭建國(guó)：阿芳我下去吃飯了。劉思思：他在哪個(gè)學(xué)校讀書??？李阿芳：哪能，現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)在工作了呢。劉思思：你就有男朋友了，真快啊。李阿芳：我也選你。李阿芳：我知道，你好好干，不說了，話費(fèi)老貴了。我覺得那會(huì)高中你揣在兜里的地瓜最香了。這天郭建國(guó)打來了電話。郭建國(guó)：芳，我也選你。郭建國(guó)：芳，你放心，我不會(huì)辜負(fù)你的期望的，等你回來了我就一定是這旮旯最大磚廠的老板了，到時(shí)我會(huì)調(diào)八輛拖拉機(jī)去娶你的。經(jīng)歷了六月高考后，阿芳迎來了她的錄取通知書，而建國(guó)也...落榜了，于是他們不得不面臨分隔兩地，這一天郭建國(guó)送李阿芳去她夢(mèng)想中的高等學(xué)府“湖南財(cái)政經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)院”。m sorry(小聲)S: What? T: I39。t understand......What happened? S: Boss,your IQ needs increasing!This monster changed its appearance into three shapes in order to cheat you!T: How, how did you find out? S:(沉默).......Monkey39。t mention that guy any more!B:(出現(xiàn))Ha,ha,ha!(三尸體B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飄”走)T:（驚）You are......B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗，被擊退)B:(抓住T)I39。第一篇：英語搞笑短劇劇本三打白骨精Three Times’ Beating Monster人物：T唐僧S：孫悟空 E：豬八戒J：沙僧B：白骨精（何平）B1：B變成的村姑 B2：B變成的太婆B3：B變化成的老頭 T: Emitofo, do you know where we are now? S: Bajie, map!E:(摸出，遞給S)S: Look, boss(湊近T)………（T、S一齊轉(zhuǎn)向E）T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, don’t bring these pictures of beautiful girls!E: Oh, boss!Forgive me(伸手拿回)T:(縮手)I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west E: But……T: Emitofo, nothing is lust, lust is nothing!Map? E:(遞)…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!Ah I can’t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn’t allow : Fat Pig!E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again, I will ,I will……….S: You will what(兇相)? E:(軟禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤).S: Hm!T:（輕咳）Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me some food? E: You see , boss is hungry,too!T: Baijie!Don’t forget who ate my last meal!J: But boss,if a monster es while brother monkey is away…..T: Em…….It is a ,do you have any idea? S: No problem!(安裝)（B已躲在一旁偷看）J: This is…..?S: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss’s I made monster can approach you if you stay in it!T: Em……Wukong, you are being more and more scientific!Emitofo, knowledge is power!S: Bye!(走)T: Let’s play cards!(三人開始打牌)音樂《斗地主》 B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(變成B1)B1:(接近三人，望著)Can I join you? J: I’m sorry, are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are :(在一旁觀看)Oh,Chance!Bomb!T: Bomb?(打出)B1: Double King!T: Oh….I win!Em……,Lady, you are a in and teach me!(準(zhǔn)備開電網(wǎng)門)S:(回來，看見B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)B1:（倒)Ah……T:(氣憤)Wukong!Look what have done!She is my teacher!S: She is a monster!T: Nonsense!(深呼吸)S: Oh,please don’t……T:It’s too late!(唱)Once more……you open the door…(泰坦尼克主題曲，走音離譜)S: Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱頭)T:(嗆住，咳)Wukong, I’m disappointed with you!B:(真身出現(xiàn))Hm!Sun Wukong, I’ll teach you a lesson!(變成太婆)B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter? T: Daughter?...(連忙擋住地尸體)No, sorry!(陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T擋)S:（咬牙切齒）You monster,