【正文】 t what twentysomethings are hearing. newspapers talk about the changing timetable of adulthood. researchers call the 20s an extended adolescence. journalists coin silly nicknames for twentysomethings like amp。twixtersamp。 and amp。kidults.amp。 itamp。s true. as a culture, we have trivialized what is actually the defining decade of adulthood.
　　leonard bernstein said that to achieve great things, you need a plan and not quite enough time. isnamp。t that true? so what do you think happens when you pat a twentysomething on the head and you say, amp。you have 10 extra years to start your lifeamp。? nothing happens. you have robbed that person of his urgency and ambition, and absolutely nothing happens.
　　and then every day, smart, interesting twentysomethings like you or like your sons and daughters e into my office and say things like this: amp。i know my boyfriendamp。s no good for me, but this relationship doesnamp。t count. iamp。m just killing time.amp。 or they say, amp。everybody says as long as i get started on a career by the time iamp。m 30, iamp。ll be fine.amp。
　　but then it starts to sound like this: amp。my 20s are almost over, and i have nothing to show for myself. i had a better ramp。sumamp。 the day after i graduated from college.amp。
　　and then it starts to sound like this: amp。dating in my 20s was like musical chairs. everybody was running around and having fun, but then sometime around 30 it was like the music turned off and everybody started sitting down. i didnamp。t want to be the only one left standing up, so sometimes i think i married my husband because he was the closest chair to me at 30.amp。
　　where are the twentysomethings here? do not do that.
　　okay, now that sounds a little flip, but make no mistake, the stakes are very high. when a lot has been pushed to your 30s, there is enormous thirtysomething pressure to jumpstart a career, pick a city, partner up, and have two or three kids in a much shorter period of time. many of these things are inpatible, and as research is just starting to show, simply harder and more stressful to do all at once in our 30s.
　　the postmillennial midlife crisis isnamp。t buying a red sports car. itamp。s realizing you canamp。t have that career you now want. itamp。s realizing you canamp。t have that child you now want, or you canamp。t give your child a sibling. too many thirtysomethings and fortysomethings look at themselves, and at me, sitting across the room, and say about their 20s, amp。what was i doing? what was i thinking?amp。
　　i want to change what twentysomethings are doing and thinking.
　　hereamp。s a story about how that can go. itamp。s a story about a woman named emma. at 25, emma came to my office because she was, in her words, having an identity crisis. she said she thought she might like to work in art or entertainment, but she hadnamp。t decided yet, so sheamp。d spent the last few years waiting tables instead. because it was cheaper, she lived with a boyfriend who displayed his temper more than his ambition. and as hard as her 20s were, her early life had been even harder. she often cried in our sessions, but then would collect herself by saying, amp。you canamp。t pick your family, but you can pick your friends.amp。
　　well one day, emma es in and she hangs her head in her lap, and she sobbed for most of the hour. sheamp。d just bought a new address