【正文】 . but half arenamp。39。t, and weak ties are how you get yourself into that group. half of new jobs are never posted, so reaching out to your neighboramp。39。s boss is how you get that unposted job. itamp。39。s not cheating. itamp。39。s the science of how information spreads.
　　last but not least, emma believed that you canamp。39。t pick your family, but you can pick your friends. now this was true for her growing up, but as a twentysomething, soon emma would pick her family when she partnered with someone and created a family of her own. i told emma the time to start picking your family is now. now you may be thinking that 30 is actually a better time to settle down than 20, or even 25, and i agree with you. but grabbing whoever youamp。39。re living with or sleeping with when everyone on facebook starts walking down the aisle is not progress. the best time to work on your marriage is before you have one, and that means being as intentional with love as you are with work. picking your family is about consciously choosing who and what you want rather than just making it work or killing time with whoever happens to be choosing you.
　　so what happened to emma? well, we went through that address book, and she found an old roommateamp。39。s cousin who worked at an art museum in another state. that weak tie helped her get a job there. that job offer gave her the reason to leave that livein boyfriend. now, five years later, sheamp。39。s a special events planner for museums. sheamp。39。s married to a man she mindfully chose. she loves her new career, she loves her new family, and she sent me a card that said, amp。quot。now the emergency contact blanks donamp。39。t seem big enough.amp。quot。
　　now emmaamp。39。s story made that sound easy, but thatamp。39。s what i love about working with twentysomethings. they are so easy to help. twentysomethings are like airplanes just leaving lax, bound for somewhere west. right after takeoff, a slight change in course is the difference between landing in alaska or fiji. likewise, at 21 or 25 or even 29, one good conversation, one good break, one good ted talk, can have an enormous effect across years and even generations to e.
　　so hereamp。39。s an idea worth spreading to every twentysomething you know. itamp。39。s as simple as what i learned to say to alex. itamp。39。s what i now have the privilege of saying to twentysomethings like emma every single day: thirty is not the new 20, so claim your adulthood, get some identity capital, use your weak ties, pick your family. donamp。39。t be defined by what you didnamp。39。t know or didnamp。39。t do. youamp。39。re deciding your life right now. thank you. (applause)
　　譯文：
　　記得見我第一位心理咨詢顧客時，我才20多歲。當(dāng)時我是berkeley臨床心理學(xué)在讀博士生。我的第一位顧客是名叫alex的女性，26歲。第一次見面alex穿著牛仔褲和寬松上衣走進(jìn)來，她一下子栽進(jìn)我辦公室的沙發(fā)上，踢掉腳上的平底鞋，跟我說她想談?wù)勀猩膯栴}。
　　當(dāng)時我聽到這個之后松了一口氣。因為我同學(xué)的第一個顧客是縱火犯，而我的顧客卻是一個20出頭想談?wù)勀猩呐?。我覺得我可以搞定。但是我沒有搞定。
　　alex不斷地講有趣的事情，而我只能簡單地點頭認(rèn)同她所說的，很自然地就陷入了附和的狀態(tài)。alex說：”。30歲是一個新的20歲?！?。沒錯，我告訴她”。你是對的”。工作還早，結(jié)婚還早，生孩子還早，甚至死亡也早著呢。像alex和我這樣20多歲的人，什么都沒有但時間多的是。
　　但不久之后，我的導(dǎo)師就要我向alex的感情生活施壓。我反駁說：”。當(dāng)然她現(xiàn)在正在和別人交往，她現(xiàn)在和一個傻瓜男生睡覺，但看樣子她不會和他結(jié)婚的?！?。而我的導(dǎo)師說：”。不著急，她也許會和下一個結(jié)婚。但修復(fù)alex婚姻的最好時期，是她還沒擁有婚姻的時期?！薄?br />　　這就是心理學(xué)家說的”。頓悟時刻”。正是那個時候我意識到，30歲不是一個新的20歲。
　　的確，和以前的人相比，現(xiàn)在人們更晚才安定下來，但是這不代表alex就能長期處于20多歲的狀態(tài)。更晚安定下來，應(yīng)該使alex的20多歲成為發(fā)展的黃金時段，而我們卻坐在那里忽視這個發(fā)展的時機(jī)。從那時起我意識到，這種善意的忽視，確實是個問題，它不僅給alex本身和她的感情生活帶來不良后果，而且影響到處20多歲的人的事業(yè)、家庭和未來。
　　現(xiàn)在在美國，