【正文】 involvements (You want to date who?!). Even during the preteen years, romantic experiences are cultured in the sense that societal and group practices and expectations shape romantic experience. Although romance may cross cultural or ethnic borders, criticism and approval teach us what is acceptable romantic behavior and with whom. One might lust for someone, but these yearnings will not lead most of us to fall in love if there are strong cultural or group bans.10從童年開始，父母們就通過選擇某個街區(qū)和學(xué)校，或是鼓勵或是限制孩子未來的情感關(guān)系。我們錯過了成千上萬的可能的愛人，因為他們早就被正式的或非正式的挑選理想愛人的準則篩選出局，這些準則包括年齡、種族、地域、社會階層、宗教、性傾向、健康狀況或外表。這樣的想法很浪漫卻不現(xiàn)實。不管我們是否決定建立認真的戀愛關(guān)系，是什么樣的愛讓我們走到一起?9 What attracts individuals to each other in the first place? Many people believe that there39。它是付賬單，倒垃圾，刷馬桶，孩子生病時守夜，以及完成其他各種各樣不那么性感的“攪燕麥粥”的任務(wù)。事實上，“真”愛更接近于一位作家(約翰遜，1995)所稱的“攪燕麥粥之愛”。 oatmeal tasks that are not very sexy.7愛，特別是長久的愛，和我們從好萊塢、電視、或愛情小說中獲得的對愛和狂熱的性愛的印象完全不同?！比绻麤]有尊重和關(guān)懷，兩人的關(guān)系就不是建立在愛的基礎(chǔ)上；反而成為一種不健康的或者是具有占有欲的依賴，而這會限制愛的雙方在社會、情感和智力方面的發(fā)展。雖然愛可能包含激情的渴望，然而相互尊重才是更重要的品質(zhì)。6 In any type of love, caring about the other person is essential. Although love may,involve passionate yearning, respect is a more important quality. Respect is inherent inall love: I want the loved person to grow and unfold for his own sake, and in his ownways, and not for the purpose of serving me. If respect and caring are missing, therelationship is not based on love. Instead, it is an unhealthy or possessive dependencythat limits the lovers39。擁有戀愛關(guān)系至少需要具備三個元素：1)愿意取悅和遷就另一方，即使需要妥協(xié)或犧牲；2)能接受另一方的錯誤和缺點；3)關(guān)心愛人的幸福像關(guān)心自己一樣。它也可能是柏拉圖式的，令人平靜的，無私的，或者理智的。s welfare as one39。s faults and shortings。5 Love has many dimensions. It can be romantic, exciting, obsessive, and irrational It can also be platonic, calming, altruistic, and sensible? Many researchers feel that love defies a single definition because it varies in degree and intensity and across social contexts. At the very least, three elements are necessary for a loving relationship: (1) a willingness to please and acmodate the other person, even if this involves promise and sacrifice?！睈蹖ξ覀儊碚f意味著什么，這取決于我們所指的是家人之間、朋友之間還是戀人之間的愛。 however, when asked what love is, people give a variety of answers. According to a nineyearold boy, for example, Love is like an avalanche where you have to run for your life. What we mean by love depends on whether we are talking about love for family members, friends, or lovers. Love has been a source of inspiration, wry witticisms, and even political action for many centuries.4愛是一個難以描述的概念。不喜歡自己的人也許不懂得回報愛，而卻有可能不停地尋找愛的關(guān)系來改變卑微的自我形象。從別的方面來說，自我喜歡的人更樂于接受批評，對別人的要求也不那么苛刻。”雖然這樣的話聽起來似乎有些以自我為中心，實際上卻是相當有見地。女演員梅s actually quite insightful Social scientists describe selflove as an important oasis for self esteem. Among other things, people who like themselves are more open to criticism and less demanding of others. Fromm (1956) saw selflove as a necessary prerequisite for loving others. People who don39。在人情冷漠的環(huán)境中(如孤兒院，某些寄養(yǎng)家庭，或缺乏關(guān)愛的家庭)長大的孩子會出現(xiàn)情感和社會性發(fā)育不良，語言和運動技能遲緩，以及精神健康問題。s early intimate relationships within their family of origin1 are so critical. Children who are raised in impersonal environments (orphanage, some foster homes, or unloving families) show emotional and social underdevelopment, language and motor skills retardation, and mental health problems.2很多研究發(fā)現(xiàn)嬰兒獲得關(guān)愛的質(zhì)量會影響到他們以后的交友，在學(xué)校的表現(xiàn)，如何應(yīng)對陌生的或可能充滿壓力的情況，以及他們成年后如何建立并且維系情感連系。到了五歲時，他們的智商和語言測試的分數(shù)明顯比前一類兒童高得多。眾所周知，缺乏愛的嬰幼兒會產(chǎn)生各種各樣的問題，如抑郁癥、頭痛、生理殘疾、神經(jīng)質(zhì)或身心疾病，這些病有時會伴隨他們一生。它既是一種情感，又是一種行為。LOVE AND LOVING RELATIONSHIPSNijole V. Benokraitis愛和情感連系奈杰爾此書在美國的一些大學(xué)里被用作社會學(xué)和婦女研究等課程的教材，它強調(diào)了在當代社會和家庭中所發(fā)生的重要變化，探索了家庭成員所面臨的選擇，以及我們很多人都還未意識到的種種約束。Unit FourThe following text is extracted from Marriages and Families by Nijole V. Benokraitis.The book has been used as a textbook for sociology courses and women39。ve been able to work with a broad variety of personalities, up and down the organization.12然而，如果認為只有像李奇那樣的生意人才需要熟練的人際溝通技巧，那就錯了。”12 It would be a mistake, however, to assume that strong people skills are required only for business people like Leach. Indeed, the key players I39。想轉(zhuǎn)行到企業(yè)界的科學(xué)家們必須優(yōu)先考慮他們的社會關(guān)系資源而不是技術(shù)資源。我向他咨詢這個重要特征，是因為在他的新業(yè)務(wù)角色中，人際溝通能力在成功和失敗之間發(fā)揮著很大的作用。李奇在迪科德遺傳工程公司從事業(yè)務(wù)拓展。11 Trait 4: Strength in interpersonal relationshipsRick Leach is in business development for deCODE Genetics. Leach made the transition to industry recently, on the business side of things39?！皩ξ业钠髽I(yè)來說，求職者需要坦然地談?wù)撍蛩氖?，而且他或她需要有真正的失敗?jīng)歷，而不是特意為面試而杜撰的東西。大家都知道如何談?wù)摮晒Α蛘弋斔麄冊趯ふ夜ぷ鞯臅r候應(yīng)該知道。失敗很重要，因為這表示你不怕冒險。s degree of fort with failure. Failure is important because it shows that you were not afraid to take chances. So panies consistently look for candidates who can be wrong and admit it. Everyone knows how to talk about successes—or they should if they39。像這樣敢冒風險是一套技能組合，是所有雇主在他們最好的員工身上所尋找的東西。因此科學(xué)家們往往沉迷于過程。這就讓許多科學(xué)家感到不適應(yīng)，因為學(xué)術(shù)上的成功其實是依靠認真而嚴謹?shù)难芯俊? Haut agrees. Business success is often defined by fort with ambiguity and risk personal, organizational, and financial. This creates a disconnect for many scientists because success in academia is really more about careful, studied research. Further, great science is often defined by how one gets to the answer as much as by the answer itself, so scientists often fall in love with the process. In a business, you need to understand the process, but you end up falling in love with the answer and then take a risk based on what you think that answer means to your business. Putting your neck on the line like this is a skill set that all employers look for in their best people.9豪特贊同這一說法。“一名求職者需要表現(xiàn)出僅憑不準確、不完整的信息就做出決策的能力。這需要全公司各部門的運作，而不僅僅是管理部門的工作。這就是說，你不僅要把所有能支持公司快速運轉(zhuǎn)的功能都調(diào)動起來，而且還得知道如何決定‘目的地’是哪里。there39。there39。他就是一個重視緊迫感的人。許多年前他轉(zhuǎn)向了企業(yè)，并一直做到高級管理的職位。6 Trait 2: A sense of urgencyDon Haut is a frequent contributor to the . org discussion forum. He is a former scientist who transitioned to industry many years ago and then on to a senior management position. Haut heads strategy and business development for a division of 3M with more than $ billion in annual revenues. He is a