【正文】 rm of option question is: What do we do then? As a representative of Silicon Valley, I’m pleased to tell you there is data to learn spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman found that there are three P’s—personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence—that are critical to how we bounce back from seeds of resilience are planted in the way we process the negative events in our first P is personalization—the belief that we are at is different from taking responsibility, which you should always is the lesson that not everything that happens to us happens because of Dave died, I had a very mon reaction, which was to blame died in seconds from a cardiac poured over his medical records asking what I could have—or should have— wasn’t until I learned about the three P’s that I accepted that I could not have prevented his doctors had not identified his coronary artery was an economics major。how could I have? Studies show that getting past personalization can actually make you who knew they could do better after students failed adjusted their methods and saw future classes go on to swimmers who underperformed but believed they were capable of swimming faster taking failures personally allows us to recover—and even to second P is pervasiveness—the belief that an event will affect all areas of your know that song “Everything is awesome?” This is the flip: “Everything is awful.” There’s no place to run or hide from the allconsuming child psychologists I spoke to encouraged me to get my kids back to their routine as soon as ten days after Dave died, they went back to school and I went back to remember sitting in my first Facebook meeting in a deep, deep I could think was, “What is everyone talking about and how could this possibly matter?” But then I got drawn into the discussion and for a second—a brief split second—I forgot about brief second helped me see that there were other things in my life that were not children and I were friends and family were so loving and they carried us—quite literally at loss of a partner often has severe negative financial consequences, especially for many single mothers—and fathers—struggle to make ends meet or have jobs that don’t allow them the time they need to care for their had financial security, the ability to take the time off I needed, and a job that I did not just believe in, but where it’s actually OK to spend all day on , my children started sleeping through the night, crying less, playing third P is permanence—the belief that the sorrow will last months, no matter what I did, it felt like the crushing grief would always be often project our current feelings out indefinitely—and experience what I think of as the second derivative of those feel anxious—and then we feel anxious that we’re feel sad—and then we feel sad that we’re , we should accept our feelings—but recognize that they will not last rabbi told me that time would heal but for now I should “l(fā)ean in to the suck.” It was good advice, but not really what I meant by “l(fā)ean in.”None of you need me to explain the fourth P…which is, of course, pizza from Cheese I wish I had known about the three P’s when I was your were so many times these lessons would have one of my first job out of college, my boss found out that I didn’t know how to enter data into Lotus ’s a spreadsheet—ask your mouth dropped open and he said, ‘I can’t believe you got this job without knowing that”—and then walked out of the went home convinced that I was going to be thought I was terrible at everything… but it turns out I was only terrible at pervasiveness would have saved me a lot of anxiety that wish I had known about permanence when I broke up with would’ve been a fort to know that feeling was not going to last forever, and if I was being honest with myself… neither were any of those I wish I had understood personalization when boyfriends broke up with it’s not you—it really is mean, that dude never all three P’s ganged up on me in my twenties after my first marriage ended in thought at the time that no matter what I acplished, I was a massive three P’s are mon emotional reactions to so many things that happen to us—in our careers, our personal lives, and our ’re probably feeling one of them right now about something in your if you can recognize you are falling into these traps, you can catch as our bodies have a physiological immune system, our brains have a psychological immune system—and there are steps you can take to help kick it into day my friend Adam Grant, a psychologist, suggested that I think about how much worse things could was pletely counterintuitive。it seemed like the way to recover was to try to find positive thoughts.“Worse?” I said.“Are you kidding me? How could things be worse?” His answer cut straight through me: “Dave could have had that same cardiac arrhythmia while he was driving your children.” moment he said it, I was overwhelmingly grateful that the rest of my family was alive and gratitude overtook some of the gratitude and appreciation is key to who take the time to list things they are grateful for are happier and turns out that counting your blessings can actually increase your New Year’s resolution this year is to write down three moments of joy before I go to bed each simple practice has changed my no matter what happens each day, I go to sleep thinking of something tonight when you have so many fun moments to list— although maybe do it before you hit Kip’s and can still remember what they month, eleven days before the anniversary of Dave’s death, I broke down crying to a friend of were sitting—of all places—on a bathroom said: “Eleven year ago, he had eleven days we had no idea.” We looked at each other through tears, and asked how we would live if we knew we had eleven days you graduate, can you ask yourselves to live as if you had eleven days left? I don’t mean blow everything off a