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具備以下幾點(diǎn):努力、妥協(xié)、耐心、共同的目標(biāo)。這些想法與我們對(duì)長(zhǎng)期浪漫承諾的文化投資非常吻合,但它們也適用于其他類型的關(guān)系短期的、隨意的、多角戀的、非一夫一妻制的、無性的因?yàn)檫@個(gè)比喻給愛一個(gè)人的體驗(yàn)帶來了更加復(fù)雜的概念。 So if love is a collaborative work of art,then love is an aesthetic experience. Love is unpredictable, love is creative,love requires munication and discipline, it is frustrating and emotionallydemanding. And love involves both joy and pain. Ultimately, each experience oflove is different. 所以如果愛是一種藝術(shù)合作,那么愛就是一種審美體驗(yàn)。愛是不可預(yù)測(cè)的,愛是有創(chuàng)造力的,愛需要交流和自律,愛是令人沮喪的,也是情感上的要求。愛包含了快樂和痛苦。最終,每一種愛的體驗(yàn)都是不同的?! hen I was younger, it never occurred to methat I was allowed to demand more from love, that I didnt have to just acceptwhatever love offered. When 14yearold Juliet first meets or, when14yearold Juliet cannot be with Romeo, whom she has met four days ago, shedoes not feel disappointed or angsty. Where is she? She wants to die. Right?And just as a refresher, at this point in the play, act three of five, Romeo isnot dead. Hes alive, hes healthy, hes just been banished from the city. Iunderstand that 16thcentury Verona is unlike contemporary North America, andyet when I first read this play, also at age 14, Juliets suffering made senseto me. 當(dāng)我年輕的時(shí)候,我從來沒有想過我可以向愛索取更多,我不用對(duì)愛情逆來順受。當(dāng)14歲的朱麗葉第一次遇見或者當(dāng)14歲的朱麗葉不能和她四天前見過的羅密歐在一起時(shí),她不會(huì)感到失望或生氣。她在哪里呢?她想死。對(duì)吧?讓我們復(fù)習(xí)一下,在第五幕的第三幕,羅密歐沒有死。他還活著,他很健康,他剛被趕出這個(gè)城市。我知道16世紀(jì)的維羅納不同于當(dāng)代的北美,但當(dāng)我14歲第一次讀到這部戲劇時(shí),朱麗葉的痛苦對(duì)我來說是有意義的?! eframing love as something I get to createwith someone I admire, rather than something that just happens to me without mycontrol or consent, is empowering. Its still hard. Love still feels totallymaddening and crushing some days, and when I feel really frustrated, I have toremind myself: my job in this relationship is to talk to my partner about whatI want to make together. This isnt easy, either. But its just so much betterthan the alternative, which is that thing that feels like madness. 重塑愛情,就好像這是我和我仰慕的人共同創(chuàng)造的,而不是未經(jīng)我同意或者不受控制就發(fā)生的,這會(huì)讓人感到充滿力量。這仍然很難。有時(shí)候,愛情仍然讓人抓狂,讓人崩潰,當(dāng)我真的感到沮喪的時(shí)候,我必須提醒自己:我在這段關(guān)系中的工作就是和我的伴侶想要一起建立什么。這也不容易。但這比另一種選擇要好得多,那就是那種感覺很瘋狂的東西。 This version of love is not about winningor losing someones affection. Instead, it requires that you trust your partnerand talk about things when trusting feels difficult, which sounds so simple,but is actually a kind of revolutionary, radical act. This is because you getto stop thinking about yourself and what youre gaining or losing in yourrelationship, and you get to start thinking about what you have to offer. Thisversion of love allows us to say things like, Hey, were not very goodcollaborators. Maybe this isnt for us. Or, That relationship wasshorter than I had planned, but it was still kind of beautiful. 這種愛情無關(guān)贏得或失去誰(shuí)的愛慕,而是,它要求你信任你的伴侶,在很難信任對(duì)方的時(shí)候進(jìn)行溝通,這聽起來很簡(jiǎn)單,但實(shí)際上是一種革命性的、激進(jìn)的行為。這是因?yàn)槟悴辉僦幌氲侥阕约涸谶@段關(guān)系中得到或失去了什么,你要開始思考你給予什么。這種愛情讓我們能夠去說,嘿,我們的合作并不是很順利呢,或許我們不合適或者,這段關(guān)系持續(xù)的時(shí)間比我計(jì)劃的要短,但仍然很美好?! he beautiful thing about the collaborativework of art is that it will not paint or draw or sculpt version oflove allows us to decide what it looks like. 藝術(shù)合作的美妙之處在于,它不會(huì)自己成為藝術(shù)品。這種愛讓我們能夠決定自己的愛情應(yīng)該是怎樣的 Thank you.TED英語(yǔ)演講:這才是愛情應(yīng)有的樣子