【正文】 這種愛讓我們能夠決定自己的愛情應(yīng)該是怎樣的　　Thank you.TED英語演講：這才是愛情應(yīng)有的樣子 。這種愛情讓我們能夠去說，嘿，我們的合作并不是很順利呢，或許我們不合適或者，這段關(guān)系持續(xù)的時(shí)間比我計(jì)劃的要短，但仍然很美好?！　his version of love is not about winningor losing someones affection. Instead, it requires that you trust your partnerand talk about things when trusting feels difficult, which sounds so simple,but is actually a kind of revolutionary, radical act. This is because you getto stop thinking about yourself and what youre gaining or losing in yourrelationship, and you get to start thinking about what you have to offer. Thisversion of love allows us to say things like, Hey, were not very goodcollaborators. Maybe this isnt for us. Or, That relationship wasshorter than I had planned, but it was still kind of beautiful.　　這種愛情無關(guān)贏得或失去誰的愛慕，而是，它要求你信任你的伴侶，在很難信任對(duì)方的時(shí)候進(jìn)行溝通，這聽起來很簡單，但實(shí)際上是一種革命性的、激進(jìn)的行為。這也不容易。這仍然很難。我知道16世紀(jì)的維羅納不同于當(dāng)代的北美，但當(dāng)我14歲第一次讀到這部戲劇時(shí)，朱麗葉的痛苦對(duì)我來說是有意義的。對(duì)吧?讓我們復(fù)習(xí)一下，在第五幕的第三幕，羅密歐沒有死。當(dāng)14歲的朱麗葉第一次遇見或者當(dāng)14歲的朱麗葉不能和她四天前見過的羅密歐在一起時(shí)，她不會(huì)感到失望或生氣。最終，每一種愛的體驗(yàn)都是不同的。愛是不可預(yù)測的，愛是有創(chuàng)造力的，愛需要交流和自律，愛是令人沮喪的，也是情感上的要求。這些想法與我們對(duì)長期浪漫承諾的文化投資非常吻合，但它們也適用于其他類型的關(guān)系短期的、隨意的、多角戀的、非一夫一妻制的、無性的因?yàn)檫@個(gè)比喻給愛一個(gè)人的體驗(yàn)帶來了更加復(fù)雜的概念。語言學(xué)家把隱喻看作是有牽連的，它本質(zhì)上是一種考慮給定隱喻的所有含義或包含在其中的思想的方法。　　Johnson and Lakoff suggest a new metaphorfor love: love as a collaborative work of art. I really like this way ofthinking about love. Linguists talk about metaphors as having entailments,which is essentially a way of considering all the implications of, or ideascontained within, a given metaphor. And Johnson and Lakoff talk abouteverything that collaborating on a work of art entails: effort, promise,patience, shared goals. These ideas align nicely with our cultural investmentin longterm romantic mitment, but they also work well for other kinds ofrelationships shortterm, casual, polyamorous, nonmonogamous, asexual becausethis metaphor brings much more plex ideas to the experience of loving someone.　　約翰遜和拉考夫提出了愛的一個(gè)新隱喻:愛是一種合作的藝術(shù)作品。語言學(xué)家馬克約翰遜(Mark Johnson)和喬治拉考夫(George Lakoff)在他們的著作《我們賴以生存的隱喻》(metaphor We Live By)中提出了一種非常有趣的方法來解決這個(gè)難題，那就是改變我們的隱喻。如果我們更自信、更開放、更慷慨，我們慢慢步入愛河，而不是墜入愛河。　　To reconcile this, we need to either changeour culture or change our expectations. So, imagine if we were all less passivein love. If we were more assertive, more openminded, more generous and insteadof falling in love, we stepped into love. I know that this is asking a lot, butIm not actually the first person to suggest this. In their book,Metaphors We Live By, linguists Mark Johnson and George Lakoffsuggest a really interesting solution to this dilemma, which is to change ourmetaphors. They argue that metaphors really do shape the way we experience theworld, and that they can even act as a guide for future actions, likeselffulfilling prophecies.　　為了協(xié)調(diào)這個(gè)矛盾，我們需要改變我們的文化要么改變我們的期望。我們似乎想要兩全其美:我們想讓愛變得瘋狂，我們想讓它持續(xù)一生。這是一個(gè)有趣的反饋循環(huán)。　　And then our culture uses language to shapeand reinforce these ideas about love. In this case, were talking aboutmetaphors about pain and addiction and madness. Its kind of an interestingfeedback loop. Love is powerful and at times painful, and we express this inour