【文章內(nèi)容簡介】 39。s vantage point. But this E over here is the selffocused E. We often get selffocused. And we particularly get selffocused in a crisis.
　　I want to tell you about a particular crisis. A man walks into a bank in Watsonville, California. And he says, amp。quot。Give me $2,000, or Iamp。39。m blowing the whole bank up with a bomb.amp。quot。 Now, the bank manager didnamp。39。t give him the money. She took a step back. She took his perspective, and she noticed something really important. He asked for a specific amount of money.
　　So she said, amp。quot。Why did you ask for $2,000?amp。quot。
　　And he said, amp。quot。My friend is going to be evicted unless I get him $2,000 immediately.amp。quot。
　　And she said, amp。quot。Oh! You donamp。39。t want to rob the bank you want to take out a loan.amp。quot。
　　amp。quot。Why donamp。39。t you e back to my office, and we can have you fill out the paperwork.amp。quot。
　　Now, her quick perspectivetaking defused a volatile situation. So when we take someoneamp。39。s perspective, it allows us to be ambitious and assertive, but still be likable.
　　Hereamp。39。s another way to be assertive but still be likable, and that is to signal flexibility. Now, imagine youamp。39。re a car salesperson, and you want to sell someone a car. Youamp。39。re going to more likely make the sale if you give them two options. Letamp。39。s say option A: $24,000 for this car and a fiveyear warranty. Or option B: $23,000 and a threeyear warranty. My research shows that when you give people a choice among options, it lowers their defenses, and theyamp。39。re more likely to accept your offer.
　　And this doesnamp。39。t just work with salespeople。 it works with parents. When my niece was four, she resisted getting dressed and rejected everything. But then my sisterinlaw had a brilliant idea. What if I gave my daughter a choice? This shirt or that shirt? OK, that shirt. This pant or that pant? OK, that pant. And it worked brilliantly. She got dressed quickly and without resistance.
　　When Iamp。39。ve asked the question around the world when people feel fortable speaking up, the number one answer is: amp。quot。When I have social support in my audience。 when I have allies.amp。quot。 So we want to get allies on our side. How do we do that? Well, one of the ways is be a mama bear. When we advocate for others, we expand our range in our own eyes and the eyes of others, but we also earn strong allies.
　　Another way we can earn strong allies, especially in high places, is by asking other people for we ask others for advice, they like us because we flatter them, and weamp。39。re expressing this really works to solve another double bind. And thatamp。39。s the selfpromotion double bind. The selfpromotion double bind is that if we donamp。39。t advertise our acplishments, no one notices. And if we do, weamp。39。re not likable.
　　But if we ask for advice about one of our acplishments, we are able to be petent in their eyes but also be likeable. And this is so powerful it even works when you see it ing. There have been multiple times in life when I have been forewarned that a lowpower person has been given the advice to e ask me for advice. I want you to notice three things about this: First, I knew they were going to e ask me for advice. Two, Iamp。39。ve actually done research on the strategic benefits of asking for advice. And three, it still worked! I took their perspective, I became more invested in their cause, I became more mitted to them because they asked for advice.
　　Now, another time we feel more confident speaking up is when we have expertise. Expertise gives us credibility. When we have high power, we already have credibility. We only need good we lack power, we donamp。39。t have the credibility. We need excellent evidence.
　　And one of the ways we can