【正文】 ationship assets above their technical assets. To suddenly be valued and measured by your mastery of human relationships can be a very scary proposition for a person who has been valued and measured only by his mastery of things, says Rick.11特征4：善于處理人際關(guān)系瑞克李奇最近才轉(zhuǎn)行到企業(yè)，做業(yè)務方面的工作。“科學家畢生都在積累知識，培養(yǎng)技術(shù)上的敏銳感，”他說，“但為企業(yè)工作需要完全不同的東西——人際交往的能力。對一個以前一直根據(jù)專業(yè)知識水平被評價的人來說，突然之間要根據(jù)他的人際交往能力來評價他，真是十分令人恐懼。ve met who work at the bench in industry have succeeded in great measure because they39。事實上，我所遇見的在企業(yè)工作的核心費工們之所以取得成功，很大程度上是因為他們能夠與公司上下各種各樣的人共事。s studies in a number of universities in the United States. It highlights important contemporary changes in society and the family and explores the choices that are available to family members, as well as the constraints that many of us do not recognize. It examines the diversity of American families today, using crosscultural and multicultural parisons to encourage creative thinking about the many critical issues that confront the family of the twentyfirst century.下面的文章選自奈杰爾貝諾克瑞提斯的婚姻與家庭。該書還審視了當今美國家庭的多樣性，運用跨文化和多元文化的比較，以激發(fā)創(chuàng)造性思維來研究21世紀家庭所面臨的許多嚴峻問題。貝諾克瑞提斯1 Love as both an emotion and a behavior is essential for human survival The family is usually our earliest and most important source of love and emotional support. Babies and children deprived of love have been known to develop a wide variety of problems for example, depression, headaches, physiological impairments, and neurotic and psychosomatic difficulties that sometimes last a lifetime. In contrast, infants who are loved and cuddled typically gain more weight, cry less, and smile more. By five years of age, they have been found to have significantly higher IQs and to score higher on language tests. 1愛，對于人類的生存是不可或缺的。家庭通常是我們最早和最重要的愛和情感支持的來源。而對比之下，擁有愛和擁抱的嬰兒通常體重增加得快，哭得少，而笑得多。2 Much research shows that the quality of care infants receive affects how they later get along with friends, how well they do in school, how they react to new and possibly stressful situations, and how they form and maintain loving relationships as adults. It is for these reasons that people39。正是因為這些原因，人們與家庭成員的早期親密關(guān)系才如此至關(guān)重要。3 Love for oneself, or selflove, is also essential for our social and emotional development. Actress Mae West once said, I never loved another person the way I loved myself. Although such a statement may seem selfcentered, it39。t like themselves may not be able to return love but may constancy seek love relationships to bolster their own poor selfimages. But just what is love? What brings people together? 3對自己的愛，或者說自愛，對我們的社會性和情感發(fā)展也是至關(guān)重要的。韋斯特曾說過，“我從沒有像愛自己那樣愛過別人。社會學家將自愛描述為自尊的一個重要基礎。弗羅姆(1956)認為自愛是愛別人的先決條件。那么到底什么是愛?是什么讓人們走到一起?4 Love is an elusive concept. We have all experienced love and feel we know what it is。我們都經(jīng)歷過愛，覺得我們知道愛是什么，然而當被問到什么是愛時，人們給出的答案卻不盡相同，比如一個九歲的男孩說，“愛像雪崩，你必須快跑才能活命。幾百年來愛都是靈感、俏皮的揶揄、甚至是政治活動的來源。 (2) an acceptance of the other person39。 and (3) as much concern about the loved one39。s own. And, people who say they are in love emphasize caring, intimacy, and mitment.5愛有很多層面，它可能是浪漫的，令人激動的，讓人著迷的，或者是非理性的。許多研究者覺得愛沒有一個唯一的定義，它有程度和強度之分，并且跨越了社會背景。而且，說自己“處于戀愛中”的人們重視相互之間的關(guān)心、親密和忠誠。 social, emotional, and intellectual growth.6不管是哪種類型的愛，關(guān)心另一方是非常必要的。相互尊重是所有愛的共性：“我想要我愛的人為他自己成長發(fā)展，并且用他自己的方式，而不是為了迎合我。7 Love, especially longterm love, has nothing in mon with the images of love or .frenzied sex that we get from Hollywood, television, and romance novels. Because of these images, many people believe a variety of myths about love. These misconceptions often lead to unrealistic expectations, stereotypes, and disillusionment. In fact, real love is closer to what one author called stirringtheoatmeal love (Johnson 1985). This type of love is neither exciting nor thrilling but is relatively mundane and unromantic. It means paying bills, putting out the garbage, scrubbing toilet bowls, being up all night with a sick baby, and performing myriad other 39。由于這些印象的緣故，許多人對愛有各種各樣的誤解，這些誤解常常會導致不現(xiàn)實的期望、固定模式或幻覺破滅。這種愛既不令人激動也不能令人興奮，但是它卻是實實在在的，不浪漫的。8 Some partners take turns stirring the oatmeal. Other people seek relationships that offer candlelit gourmet meals in a romantic setting. Whether we decide to enter a serious relationship or not, what type of love brings people together? 8有些伴侶們輪流來“攪燕麥粥”，其他人則尋求一種能帶來浪漫的燭光美餐的戀愛關(guān)系。s one person out there that one is meant for and that destiny will bring them together. Such beliefs are romantic but unrealistic. Empirical studies show that cultural norms and values, not fate, bring people together We will never meet millions of potential lovers because they are filtered out by formal or informal rules on partner eligibility due ton factors such as age, race, distance, Social class, religion, sexual orientation, health, or physical appearance.9一開始讓人相互吸引的是什么?許多人相信“世上有一個人是你為之而生的”，而且命運會將你倆帶到一起。實證研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，是文化標準和價值觀而非命運，將人們連系在一起。10 Beginning in childhood, parents encourage or limit future romantic liaisons by selecting certain neighborhoods and schools. In early adolescence, pear norms influence the adolescent39。在青少年早期，同伴們的標準也會影響青少年決定哪些情感關(guān)系是可以接受的(“你想和誰約會?”)。雖然愛情可以跨越文化和民族的界線，但批評和贊同教會了我們什么是可以接受的浪漫行為和與誰發(fā)生浪漫行為。11 Regan and Berscheid (1999) differentiate between lust, desire, and romantic describe lust as primarily physical rather than emotional, a condition that maybe conscious or unconscious. Desire, in contrast, is a psychological in which one wants a relationship that one doesn39。他們把貪欲描述為身體上的而非情感上的興奮，是一種有意識的或無意識的狀態(tài)。性欲可能會成為或不會成為浪漫的愛情(作者把浪漫的愛情等同于充滿激情或性欲的愛)。一旦性愛消失了，一個人就不能再說成是還處在浪漫戀情中。12 One should not conclude, however, that desire always culminates in physical intimacyor that desire is the same as romantic love. Married partners may love each other even though they rarely, or never, engage in physical intimacy. In addition, there are some notable differences between love especially longterm love and romantic love. Healthy loving relationships, whether physical or not (such as love for family members), reflect a balance of caring, intimacy, and mitment.12然而，我們不應就此得出性欲總是以身體的親密接觸告終，或性與浪漫愛情是