【正文】 s a metaphor, Daddy!Ross: You can see where he39。m not saying I want you to buy me a hat, I39。t wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a a purse, y39。. And today I just stopped and I said, 39。re a shoe, you39。re a shoe! You39。s like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, 39。mon Daddy, listen to me! It39。 If I let go of my hair, my head will fall off. Chandler: (re TV) Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants. Joey: I say push her down the stairs. Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey:m sorry. I just don39。ll have whatever Christine is having.Rachel: (on phone) Daddy, I just... I can39。s really not happy about it. Chandler: (imitating the characters) Tuna or egg salad?s Apartment, everyone is there and watching a Spanish Soap on TV and are trying to figure out what is going on.]Monica: Now I39。t invited to the wedding.Rachel: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn39。t know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you39。Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?39。s when it hit me: how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. Y39。n39。 He sits back down defeated again.t there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!Waitress: Can I get you some coffee?Monica: (pointing at Rachel) Decaff. (to All) Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and you remember my brother Ross? Rachel: Hi, sure!Ross: Hi. (They go to hug but Ross39。re single! Have some hormones!Ross: I don39。re hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?(Ross gestures his consent.)Joey: Strip joint! C39。re feeling a lot of pain right now. You39。ll never have grandchildren. was what?t know, how should I know?Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud?Ross: I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well.Monica: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 ., I39。t.Ross: No I don39。ll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope she39。t! Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leave my aura alone, okay?Phoebe: Fine!d better answer it, and it turns out it39。t know what to do, everybody starts looking at me. Monica: And they weren39。s a phone... there.Joey: Instead of...?Chandler: That39。m back in high school, I39。t want her to go through what I went through with Carl oh!Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It39。 So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk?(They all stare, bemused.)Phoebe: Just, 39。re going out with the guy! There39。s just some guy I work with!Joey: C39?！禙riends》劇本（第一季）101 The One Where Monica Gets a Ne淘海翻譯 101 The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate (The PilotThe Uncut Version)[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.]Monica: There39。s nothing to tell! He39。mon, you39。s gotta be something wrong with him!Chandler: All right Joey, be nice.cause, I don39。s just two people going out to dinner and not having sex.Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.[Time Lapse]Chandler: Alright, so I39。m standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream.Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize there39。s right.Joey: Never had that dream.Phoebe: No.Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don39。t looking at you before?!Chandler: Finally, I figure I39。s my mother, which is veryvery weird, because she never calls me![Time Lapse, Ross has entered.]Ross: (mortified) Hi.Joey: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.Monica: Are you okay, sweetie?Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck...Chandler: Cookie?Monica: (explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff out today. Joey: Ohh.Monica: (to Ross) Let me get you some coffee.Ross: Thanks.Phoebe: Ooh! Oh! (She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Ross.)Ross: No, no don39。 Be murky!Ross: I39。ll be very happy.Monica: No you don39。t, to hell with her, she left me!Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian...Ross: No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn39。ll never have grandchildren, I39。 A wrong number?Ross: Sorry.Joey: Alright Ross, look. You39。re angry. You39。mon, you39。t want to be single, okay? I just... I just I just wanna be married again!(Rachel enters in a wet wedding dress and starts to search the room.)Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)Monica: Rachel?!Rachel: Oh God Monica hi! Thank God! I just went to your building and you weren39。s umbrella opens. A moment of silence follows as Rachel sits and the others expect her to explain.)Monica: So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?Rachel: Oh God... well, it started about a half hour before the wedd