【正文】 es in order to cheat you!T: How,how did you find out? S:(沉默).......Monkey39。m sorry(小聲)S: What?T: I39。T：Oh Wukong，you have killed three lives.（悟空，你竟然殺了三個(gè)人。進(jìn)來教我！S:(回來，看見B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)啊，妖怪！B1:（倒)Ah??慘叫聲T:(氣憤)Wukong!Look what have done!She is my teacher!悟空！你在干嘛！她是我的師傅!S: She is a monster!她是妖怪！T: Nonsense!(深呼吸)S: Oh,please don’t??噢，師傅，別??T:It’s too late!(唱)Once more??you open the door?(泰坦尼克主題曲，走音離譜)太晚了！Once more??(緊箍咒)S: Please,Please,oh,no??(痛苦抱頭)T:(嗆住，咳)Wukong,I’m disappointed with you!悟空，為師早就跟你講了?。ú灰獊y殺生）B:(真身出現(xiàn))Hm!Sun Wukong, I’ll teach you a lesson!(變成太婆)哼!孫悟空，讓我教訓(xùn)一下你！B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter?（長老）請(qǐng)問，你們見過我女兒沒？ T: Daughter?...(連忙擋住尸體)No,sorry!S:（咬牙切齒）You monster, I’ll beat you into hell!好你個(gè)妖怪，我打死你！Eamp。悟空（拜完，對(duì)沙僧）：沙師弟，你是好人，千萬小心八戒的胡言亂語，以后要好好保護(hù)師父。白骨精：長老們一路走來，可有看見我的女兒和夫人了么？ 唐三人：這....白骨精：你們?cè)趺戳?？莫非你們將他們母女害了?八戒：不是我們，是我那大師兄一個(gè)人干的。悟空：啊，緊箍咒。）（唐三人背對(duì)著白，白伸出手，向唐背后抓去，忽然被孫畫的圈子弄傷了，哎呀一聲，唐三人發(fā)覺了。）（唐僧有點(diǎn)信了，八戒去在一旁挑撥。唐僧款款的坐在白龍馬上，念誦南無經(jīng)。如果上天能夠給我一個(gè)再來一次的機(jī)會(huì)，我會(huì)對(duì)我妻子和女兒說三個(gè)字“我愛你”。第一篇：三打白骨精 劇本Three Times’ Beating Monsterv v 旁白: Five hundred years ago, there is a inviting , we’ll tell you this interesting story, Three Times’ Beating ’s 五百年前，有這樣一個(gè)誘人的傳說。如果非要在這份愛上加上一個(gè)期限，我希望是??一萬年 v 悟空: I’ll kill you, monster!(打)妖怪，我要?dú)⒘四?！v 白骨精3: Just kill me use your golden cudgel(金箍棒), don’t hesitate, please!Without my family, I don39。沙僧挑著擔(dān)，艱難的走著。）八戒：師父別聽這猴頭瞎說，這女施主明明是給我們送飯吃的好人，他偏說她是個(gè)妖精！他打死了人，又怕師父念緊箍咒，所以才弄個(gè)障眼法哄你。）唐僧：這位施主是....白骨精：長老，請(qǐng)問你們看見我的女兒了么？（唐三人尷尬。頭痛，好痛。白骨精：啊.......悟空：好你個(gè)妖精，你騙得了別人，可偏不了俺老孫?。ò坠蔷珖樀貌桓易髀暎┪蚩眨和恋?！山神?。ㄍ恋睾蜕缴癯鰣觯┪蚩眨耗銈儊斫o俺老孫作個(gè)證。沙僧：大師兄，師父也只是一時(shí)氣話，你再勸勸就好。J: Are you Ok, boss?(扶T)師傅，你還好吧？這個(gè)地方八戒要表現(xiàn)出墻頭草的樣子。S :They are not humanbeing，they are monsters.（他們不是人，他們是妖精.）T:（想阻止，未及）You,you.....(險(xiǎn)些暈，E,J扶住)You have killed three lives!你，你??你已經(jīng)傷了三條人命了！S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster!不，他們不是人！都是妖怪變的！T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go！妖怪？你才是妖怪！你走，不要再讓我看見你！S:(悲，離去)（音樂，營造 “假”悲傷氣氛）《人鬼情未了》 J: boss, brother Monkey is.......師傅，猴哥這是??T: Don39。m : Em? Louder,please?T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)(音樂響)《敢問路在何方》(這個(gè)放伴奏)T: Let39。s intuition(直覺)T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I39。you are ma 。m : Em? Louder,please? T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)（音樂響）《敢問路在何方》（這個(gè)放伴奏）(謝幕)三打白骨精中英文對(duì)照搞笑版人物：T唐僧 S：孫悟空、E：豬八戒、J：沙僧、B：白骨精、B1：B變 成的村姑、B2：B變成的太婆、B3：B變化成的老頭、N：哪吒 T: Wukong,where we are now? 悟空 我們現(xiàn)在到哪里了 S: Bajie,map!八戒 地圖E:(摸出，遞給S)S: oh，master，look！(湊近T)???（T、S一齊轉(zhuǎn)向E）哦 師傅 你瞧??！T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you don39。J: Are you Ok, master?(扶T)J: Look,(伸食指)how many? T:Two?..(暈乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game over!(變成B3)B3:(看到B1,B2尸體)Oh?.,my daughter, my wife!Who did it?！(哭喊)S: I’ll kill you, monster!(打)T:(想阻止，未及)You,you.....(險(xiǎn)些暈，E,J扶住)You have killed three lives!S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster!T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go！S:(悲，離去)(音樂，營造 “假”悲傷氣氛)《人鬼情未了》 E: Master, brother Monkey is.......T: Scratch!Don39。ll enjoy your meat and blood,ha,ha......我要吃你的肉，哈哈哈哈??S:(悄悄走到B后，打B,B暈)A thousand years : Wukong?悟空E: Oh,Brother Monkey!（猴哥）J: Our hero is back!我們的英雄回來了！T: I,I can39。念緊箍咒。妖精知道我的厲害，就不敢加害師父了。唐僧氣得說不出話來。）（白很高興，伸出爪子抓向唐。白骨精（一眼看見地上女兒的尸體，撲過去）：哎呀，我的女兒，我苦命的女兒呀....唐僧想走出去安慰：這位施主....沙僧：師父，不可以走出去....八戒：師父你看，猴哥打死了人家女兒，現(xiàn)在人家母親尋來了。唐僧念起緊箍咒，痛的悟空直叫喚。八戒（一臉饞相）：那還不快快前去討些吃的來，我看前面的人家又耕田又績麻，看來甚為富裕哩！悟空（跳到八戒之前，狠狠戳了他一指頭，不屑）：呆子！枉你頂個(gè)天蓬元帥之名！這山周圍。t mention that guy any more!休提！不要再提那個(gè)家伙！v 白骨精:(出現(xiàn))Ha, ha, ha!(三尸體B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飄”走)哈，哈，哈！v 唐僧:（驚）You are......你是??v 白骨精: How foolish you are , !(八戒沙僧去阻斗，被擊退)唐僧你是那么愚蠢！v 白骨精:(抓住唐僧)I39。讓我們開始吧！v 唐僧: Emitofo, do you know where we are now?阿彌陀佛，你知道我們現(xiàn)在在哪嗎？ v 悟空: Bajie, map!八戒，呈上地圖!v 八戒:(摸出，遞給孫悟空)v 悟空: Look, master ???師父，看??v 唐僧: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, not to bring these pictures of beautiful girls with you!八戒！我告誡你多少次了，你不要隨身帶著美女照片！v 八戒: Oh,master!Forgive ，師傅！原諒我。t realize it until it was is nothing more miserable than God can give me a chance to restart ,I39。三打白骨精》劇本第一幕（悟空走在前頭，時(shí)不時(shí)抓耳撓腮。白骨精化作一縷煙逃走，留下一具尸體。白骨精（站在云端恨得咬牙切齒）：聽說這孫悟空厲害，果然名不虛傳。(孫繼續(xù)追白。（唐三人在走，忽然看見一位白發(fā)蒼蒼的老公公，一手拄著拐杖，一手拿著佛珠，嘴里念著經(jīng)，晃晃悠悠的走來。你走吧！悟空（把貶書收在袖子里，不舍地）：師父，本想保你去西天取經(jīng)，沒想到半途而廢。我們?cè)诙返刂?，三個(gè)人夠了。B3：Oh，my wife，my daughter , who did it？（噢，我的女兒啊，我的老伴啊，這是誰干的？）悟空轉(zhuǎn)身，見又一個(gè)妖怪來了，果斷舉起金箍棒就要打。Ah......you are too late ,Nezha!(對(duì)T)I39。t mention that guy any more!B:(出現(xiàn))Ha,ha,ha!(三尸體B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飄”走)T:（驚）You are......B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗，被擊退)B:(抓住T)I39。ve called the :hei hei(搖醒B)You are under arrest.(出示證件)You have the right to remain silent If you give up the right, anything you will say can and will be against you in a court of law!let us go(帶走B)嘿嘿 你被捕了，你現(xiàn)在可以保持沉默，你現(xiàn)在所說的每一句話將 來都可能成為呈堂證供，走吧！T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I39。T:i am a little tired, Let’s play cards!(三人開始打牌)音樂《斗 地主》我有點(diǎn)累了 我們打牌吧B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?it is easy,ha ha ha(變成B1)傳說中的電網(wǎng) 小菜一碟嘛 哈哈哈 B1:(接近三人，望著)Can I join you? 能加我一個(gè)嗎T: I’m sorry, are playing card now,and three people are 女士 我們現(xiàn)在在斗地主 三個(gè)人足夠了 B1:(在一旁觀看)Oh,Chance!T: oh chance 嗯 機(jī)會(huì) B1: Double King!一對(duì)k T: Oh….I win!Em……,Lady,you are so in and teach me!(準(zhǔn)備開電網(wǎng)門)S:(回來，看見B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)B1:（倒)Ah??T:(氣憤)Wukong!Look what have done!She is my teacher!S: She is a monster!T: Nonsense!(深呼吸)S: Oh,please don’t?? T:It’s too late!(唱)Once more??you open the door?(泰坦尼克主 題曲，走音離譜)S: Please,Please,oh,no??(痛苦抱頭)暈去T:(嗆住，咳)Wukong,I’m disappointed with you!B:(真身出現(xiàn))Hm!Sun Wukong, I’ll