【正文】 陽：你管誰叫姑娘哪，人家是純爺們趙本山：怎么穿裙子小沈陽：這是按我們蘇格蘭風(fēng)格包裝的，再說也不是裙子啊，這不七分褲，你看是有腿的嘛？媽呀，著急穿跑偏了，媽呀我說走路咋沒有檔呢趙本山：那條腿留著明兒穿，小伙子我跟你說，今天我要請一位重要的客人吃飯，你一定要招待好小沈陽：沒有問題趙本山：你們這個酒店，如果要急頭白臉的吃一頓飯，要多少錢。s it? 趙本山：其實我姥爺也姓畢。 39。s a stage for mon people to play you can take the two youngsters with you, why can39。YadarThank you, ：謝謝姥爺。CCTV ManFantastic!(To Shenyang)Serve the meal 39。Of can surf the internet.^^^^^^^ 畢福劍：太好了。s poor dead shall I ask him to talk to you face to face? 畢福劍：別別。 cooked there for 39。另外，這些東西我都給你燉了。s the one your son referred me here ：是我嗎？ShenyangIs that me? 畢福劍：你明天跟我一起去趟北京，上《星光大道》，好嗎？CCTV Man Please go to Beijing with me tomorrow for a new section of the Starlight Broadway, would you? 小沈陽：謝謝畢老師。re you from? 小沈陽：蓮花鄉(xiāng)的。s your name? 小沈陽：我的中文名字叫小沈陽。s voice is bleak and desolate.“2002年的第一場雪，”The first snow of 2002比以往時候來得更晚些......“ falls somewhat later than usual...” 畢福劍：你再來一個。Uncle Zhao Go get the ：我再重唱一個吧。ve lost you39。ll ...(Starts to sing)“我和你，心連心，”You and me, from one world，同住地球......“。Shenyang ：劉歡老師那一出？CCTV Man Which song of his? 小沈陽：《我和你》。小伙子，你會點什么呢？CCTV Man Please don39。s wrong with you, tryin39。s up your ：你要說......他指定比唱的好Uncle Zhao If you speak...I know you speak better than you ：你還是說，還是自報家門。ll get you39。t let me sing, I won39。s a waiter, after ：你讓我唱一個唄。s here, please give me a chance to can sing, ：哪有時間聽。SUncle Zhao Creep way back to you39。才藝很不錯，唱得很不錯?！?”...That39。我唱一首《青藏高原》YadarI39。就擱哪兒來的。s ：哦，那她都......會點什么？CCTV Man What exactly can she do? 趙本山：來吧，給姥爺表示表示。s good enough for you39。s Yadar, my all call her started showin39。你看看丫蛋來了，這孩子從小就是一身的藝術(shù)哪。ll pay you ：哎，好嘞。把菜好好做上。t set too much stock on good can it do, really? The most scary part of it all, sir, is to die leaving your money ：嗯？小沈陽：人死了，錢沒花了。t you that onethen your whole life is ：小伙子，精辟。s Starlight Broadway program, enters.)小沈陽： 喲，你不是那誰嗎，你是那個......蒙住了。Uncle Zhao(to Shenyang)Fetch her s39。Uncle Zhao(to Yadar)Eat this, so you won39。s cultural you really should outdo you make it or not? 毛毛：有。你一定要超過他，有決心嗎？ Uncle Zhao I prepared you39。s been preparin39。 best, OK? It39。跟你說，一會兒星光大道的畢老師來了，你一定要給我爭個臉，好不？這是人生最好的一次機會，知道嗎？爺爺培養(yǎng)了你，都已經(jīng)四十多年了。s time to make s39。s no way to serve a meal, ：那是我沒來，我要來，你早就這么上了?？烊?，快去。Uncle Zhao Whut noodles can be so expensive? 小沈陽：蘇格蘭打鹵面。m ：餓了？來碗面條。m not gonna cheat you when it es to ：謝謝。re 39。t have.” 趙本山：哎呀媽呀，你太厲害了。 too much on a meal, if I ask for somethin39。mes, you put on a show with I order expensive food, you should stop me doin39。一會兒客人到了，你一定要給足我面子，明白嗎？我到點菜的時候，你得替我兜著點。Uncle Zhao We39。t take on stuff from street ：不是，我們是吃飯的。YadarStill not ：哎呀，夠不夠就這樣了。YadarLet me see...(Fumbling)only 70plus ：我還有400。YadarBut it39。Uncle Zhao Here we ：到了。第一篇：趙本山小品——不差錢 (英文版)Got the Money Anyway（舞臺上是一個餐廳的背景，寫著：“蘇格蘭情調(diào)”。YadarHere we ：這就是鐵嶺最貴的一家飯店。s very ：貴？咱帶錢了，帶三萬多塊，那包呢？Uncle Zhao So what? We39。行，夠了。服務(wù)員！Uncle Zhao No !(Shenyang, the waiter, enters.)小沈陽：對不起大爺，我們這是高檔酒店，不收農(nóng)副產(chǎn)品。不像??？Uncle Zhao We39。re gonna have an important meal here, ：媽呀，你管誰叫姑娘呢，人家是純爺們Don39。Uncle Zhao Still, you ain39。 ：咋兜呢？ShenyangLike how? 趙本山：既把面子給了，但是呢又不能花得......太狠。 dear? 小沈陽：我就說沒有唄。來來來，拿點。me, here39。Uncle Zhao Thank you, ：放心吧。Uncle Zhao How much39。ShenyangScottish sauced ：是不是鹵子貴？Uncle Zhao Does the sauce cost much, too? 小沈陽：鹵不要錢。Uncle Zhao Get us a bowl of sauce, so we can see whether the taste39。去吧去吧。me ：這老爺子，我要說面條不要錢，要面條了你還。Uncle Zhao(to Yadar)Listen here, from CCTV39。s the best opport39。 you over the past 40plus ：爺爺，我才多大。 daddy for 30 extra he ain39。YadarI ：哎，來了。t be too ：爺爺，有點咸了。me water to ：免費的水，不是？ShenyangYou mean free water? 趙本山：白開水就行。朱軍？！不是朱軍。CCTV Man That`s wit!/ What a master of wit!小沈陽：我意思人不能把錢看得太重了。趙本山：人這一生最最痛苦的事，你知道是什么嗎？Uncle Zhao Whut39。Uncle Zhao is to be left living with you39。ShenyangDo as you ：這孩子。Uncle Zhao(to CCTV Man)Preparin39。 promise to be art39。 ：老哥，我弄明白了，你今天截我到這兒來，就是為了讓您孫女上我們《星光大道》。Uncle Zhao Yadar, show Grandpa Bi whut you can ：那就這樣吧，照我們的規(guī)矩來。說。m from the Lotus Pond Valley of the big Tieling name39。s QinghaiTibetan 畢福劍：年齡不大，嗓門真高。(to Uncle Zhao)Be patient, buddy.(To Yadar)Remarkable talent and truly impressive ：哎呀媽啊，就這還不錯呢？如果這就叫不錯，那我也可以 ShenyangDo you call that remarkable? If she can go there, so can ：往哪上啊你！快上菜去。 stinkin39。知道嗎？這都藝術(shù)圈的事，你一個服務(wù)員，唱啥唱??？Uncle Zhao Who39。ShenyangLet me ：不讓你唱。t serve you the ：你不給我上菜，我找你老板去。 boss ：你找我老板，我把你交代我的事說出來。CCTV Man(to Shenyang)Well, say something about yourself ：其實，畢老師，我的命運(敏感詞語)跟她是一樣的，我也有一個姓畢的姥爺。 to curry favor like this? Sing your stupid song, or go an39。t interrupt 39。Shenyang“You and Me.” 小沈陽：我給畢老師唱一個。We are family...” 哎呀媽呀，我把唱詞給忘了好像。 , whut mock show is this? It39。畢老師，我再重唱一個行嗎？ShenyangCan I try another song? Oh please, ：唱啥？Uncle Zhao Which one? 小沈陽：我唱個刀郎的吧。你還會唱誰的？CCTV Man Encore!Any other song at your beck and call? 小沈陽：我還會唱《星光大道》走出的那個阿寶。ShenyangMy Chinese stage name39。ShenyangLotus ：是蓮花鄉(xiāng)的？CCTV Man Oh, yes? 小沈陽： 對呀。哎呀媽呀，太激動啦。你不給我面子，也得給她姥爺面子。s OK if you think nothin39。我想知道她的......她有名兒嗎？CCTV ManOh, me if she39。你馬上上菜，今天這頓飯我包了，我請客。s going to be my treat todayI39。ShenyangThank you, ：我跟你說，畢老師，你們《星光大道》不是百姓舞臺嗎？誰都可以參與嘛。t you take me too? 畢福劍：搜狐網(wǎng)上也有您的名字？CCTV Man Are you famous, too, on the internet? 趙本山：你點一下試試唄。 there39。Uncle Zhao My maternal grandpa, too, was surnamed Bi.第二篇：不差錢小品臺詞《不差錢》是趙本山、畢福劍、小沈陽、毛毛在2009年中央電視臺春節(jié)聯(lián)歡晚會上表演的小品。小沈陽：咋還吃急眼了呢？趙本山：最貴的要點上要吃多少錢小沈陽：得