【正文】 law”.(加動(dòng)作)L: most beautiful graceful and dearest motherinlaw, what39。s up? JM: Since you married my son you have behaved so have been so rude, so brusque, so lazy…… L: But……JM: Never interrupt me!L: Never interrupt me!Since I married your son, that terrible Johnny, I have been working hard all day long, cooking and have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken and……JM:But all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!L(生氣地?fù)]動(dòng)著鍋鏟):Oh, you want a grandson, don39。 t you?(開(kāi)始解圍裙)Go and ask your 39。m leaving!(扯下圍裙,扔在JM的臉上,下)Act2(LM坐在臺(tái)上打毛線,L拿著鍋鏟上)L: Mum, I39。m back!LM: You are back? Why? What happened? L:I was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest (驚訝,但隨即露出幸災(zāi)樂(lè)禍的神情):See!I have already told you!When you insisted on marrying that terrible Johnny,I told you that he is ugly stupid and poor, but you did not listen to at yourself…… L: But, mum…… LM: Never interrupt me!L: Mum, I39。m not interrupting just want to tell you that you are always right OK? And I39。ll marry whom ever you want me (大喜):Nice girl!Just now, I met the mayor39。s son in the said :“If you daughter haven39。t been married, I really really want to marry her!” Now you are free again, I39。ll go and tell him.(下)L(驚愕):What? The mayor39。s son? The most famous play boy in the neighborhood?(手中的鍋鏟掉在地上)What a silly thing I have done!(下)Act3(J睡眼惺忪上)J(邊走邊道):Lanzhi!Lanzhi!Where are my socks?(走了幾步,在地上撿起襪子)Here they are!(聞一下)Er!How smelly!They are still dirty!(突然想起)Lanzhi has gone!I have to wash them myself.(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起來(lái))Oh,I39。m so hungry!But there39。s no breakfast!(撿起地上的圍裙)This is what Lanzhi always wears!I miss her so much,and her excellent cooking skill!Now she has have to cook for my mother and (上):Where39。s my breakfast?Where39。sLanzhi?Hasn39。t she got up yet? J:Mum,can39。t you remember?Lanzhi has gone!JM(沉吟片刻):Well, Johnny,you know ,a son without a wife is is a nice girl,go and take her back!J(立正敬禮):Yes madam!JM(拍拍J的肩膀):My good son!Act4(J開(kāi)心地走著，忽然跳出來(lái)三個(gè)強(qiáng)盜)A:Hey you!Stop and listen to us!The road is built by me!(抬腳重重地踩在一塊大石頭上)B:And I planted one tree!(亦抬腳踩在同一塊石頭上)C:If you want to go by this street(欲踩石頭，但踩到了A的腳)ABamp。C:Give us all your money!J(搜遍了每一個(gè)口袋，掏出１角硬幣):Is 1 mao enough?(三強(qiáng)盜暈倒?fàn)?，接著三人聚在一邊商?A:What bad luck!This guy is broken!B:If we cannot rob any money today,we will have nothing to eat tonight!C:I heard that the mayor39。s son is going to marry MissLiuLanzhi next can go and rob the wedding!Aamp。B:Good idea!J(驚訝):What?What?Lanzhi is going to get married?It39。s impossible!ABamp。C:Why?A pretty girl and a rich man,what a good couple!J:But Lanzhi is my wife!We haven39。t got divorced yet!(突然有了主意)I39。ve got an idea!You are going to rob the wedding,don39。t you?I39。ll go with take the money and I take the :Have you got any experience?J: I39。ve got this!(J脫下鞋子從里面摸出一張支票，上書(shū)＄１，０００，０００)Act5(轉(zhuǎn)眼已到了婚禮之期．MS意氣風(fēng)發(fā)用紅綢牽著新娘上，J蓋著紅蓋頭極不情愿地被拉上臺(tái),同時(shí)播放婚禮喜慶音樂(lè))(J和三強(qiáng)盜躍至臺(tái)中,音樂(lè)停)ABCamp。J:Hey you!Stop and listen to us!A:The road is built by me!B:And I planted one :If you want to go by this streetJ:Give us all your money!(L聽(tīng)到J的聲音，掀起了蓋頭)L(驚喜萬(wàn)分):Johnny!(不顧一切地飛奔到J的身邊并躲到了的身后)(MS大怒，揮拳向J打來(lái)．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L暈倒)J(火冒三丈):How dare you beat my wife!（揮拳向MS沖去,播放京劇武場(chǎng)音樂(lè)）(J與MS混戰(zhàn)，JM上，以拐杖擊暈MS, 音樂(lè)停),(J將MS胸前的新郎標(biāo)志扯下戴在自己胸前)JM(走到L,身旁):Lanzhi!Lanzhi!J(扶起L，關(guān)切地問(wèn)):Honey, how are you? L(哭狀):I hurt a lot!J: Don39。t cry 39。ll go and fetch the medicine.(下)L(起身去追):Wait for me!(跑下)JM(起身去追): Wait for me!(慢慢跑下)MS(蘇醒過(guò)來(lái),慢慢爬起): Wait for me!(謝幕)第三篇：搞笑版英文話劇 孔雀東南飛焦仲卿johnny(jforshort)劉蘭芝lunch(lforshort)焦母johnny’s mother(jmforshort)劉母lunch’s mother(lmforshort)太守之子mayor’sson(msforshort)強(qiáng)盜burglars(abandc)prologue 序幕(j作被打狀跑上臺(tái),內(nèi)砸出一卷紙筒,j被打中,狼狽不堪)j:everybody says that i’m hen pecked, but in fact,i’m a strong tiger,(小聲)while my wife is ：人人都說(shuō)我怕老婆，實(shí)際上我是老虎，（小聲）我妻子是武松。(指著上臺(tái)處的門(mén)大聲道)i’m not afraid of you!譯：我才不怕你呢！(內(nèi)砸出一臉盆,j接住當(dāng)成盾牌護(hù)著頭)then, i’m afraid of whom!my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the is braver than me,smarter than me and stronger than this i donot only want she to be tender than she is not!having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!譯：誰(shuí)怕誰(shuí)?。≡卩徖镏?，我妻子是最有名氣的。她比我勇敢、比我聰明、比我強(qiáng)壯。我也不在乎這些。我只覺(jué)得她該對(duì)我溫柔些，但是她卻不懂溫柔！有這樣的太太就像活在地獄中?。?內(nèi)又砸出一卷紙筒,擊中j)my god!who can help me?(下)譯：我的天！誰(shuí)來(lái)救救我?。?act1 第一幕(序幕結(jié)束時(shí),jm作竊聽(tīng)狀)jm(拄拐棍上):i can!(對(duì)門(mén)內(nèi))lunch!lunch!where are you? l(扎著圍裙,拿著鍋鏟,從門(mén)內(nèi)跳出來(lái)):i’m here!what’s up，mum? jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother in law”.l: most beautiful graceful and dearest motherinlaw, what’s up?jm:since you married my son you have be havedso have been so rude, so brusque,so lazy…… l:but……jm:never interrupt me!l:never interrupt me!since i married your son, that terrible johnny,i have been working hard all daylong,cooking and have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken and……jm:but all those you have done arenot asvaluable as a grandson!l(生氣地?fù)]動(dòng)著鍋鏟):oh,you want a grandson,don’t you?(開(kāi)始解圍裙)go and ask your ’m leaving!(扯下圍裙,扔在jm的臉上,下)act2(lm坐在臺(tái)上打毛線,l拿著鍋鏟上)l:mum, i’m back!lm:you are back?why?what happened? l:i was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–(驚訝,但隨即露出幸災(zāi)樂(lè)禍的神情):see!i have already told you!when you insisted on marrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly tupid