ted英語(yǔ)演講：脆弱不是懦弱-閱讀頁(yè)
2025-04-03 04:43本頁(yè)面
【正文】 . I did not interview men for the first four years of my study. It wasnt until a man looked at me after a book signing, and said, I love what say about shame, Im curious why you didnt mention men. And I said, I dont study men. And he said, Thats convenient. And I said, Why? And he said, Because you say to reach out, tell our story, be vulnerable. But you see those books you just signed for my wife and my three daughters? I said, Yeah. Theyd rather me die on top of my white horse than watch me fall down. When we reach out and be vulnerable, we get the shit beat out of us. And dont tell me its from the guys and the coaches and the dads. Because the women in my life are harder on me than anyone else. So I started interviewing men and asking questions. And what I learned is this: You show me a woman who can actually sit with a manin real vulnerability and fear, Ill show you a woman whos done incredible work. You show me a man who can sit with a woman whos just had it, she cant do it all anymore, and his first response is not, I unloaded the dishwasher! But he really listens because thats all we need Ill show you a guy whos done a lot of work. Shame is an epidemic in our culture. And to get out from underneath it to find our way back to each other, we have to understand how it affects us and how it affects the way were parenting, the way were working, the way were looking at each other. Very quickly, some research by Mahalik at Boston College. He asked, what do women need to do to conform to female norms? The top answers in this country: nice, thin, modest and use all available resources for appearance. When he asked about men, what do men in this country need to do to conform with male norms, the answers were: always show emotional control, work is first, pursue status and violence. If were going to find our way back to each other, we have to understand and know empathy, because empathys the antidote to you put shame in a Petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence and judgment. If you put the same amount in a Petri dish and douse it with empathy, it cant survive. The two most powerful words when were in struggle: me too. And so Ill leave you with this thought. If were going to find our way back to each other, vulnerability is going to be that path. And I know its seductive to stand outside the arena, because I think I did it my whole life, and think to myself, Im going to go in there and kick some ass when Im bulletproof and when Im perfect. And that is seductive. But the truth is, that never happens. And even if you got as perfect as you could and as bulletproof as you could possibly muster when you got in there, thats not what we want to see. We want you to go in. We want to be with you and across from you. And we just want, for ourselves and the people we care about and the people we work with, to dare greatly. So thank you all very much. I really appreciate it.TED英語(yǔ)演講：脆弱不是懦弱
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