【正文】 s not what we want to see. We want you to go in. We want to be with you and across from you. And we just want, for ourselves and the people we care about and the people we work with, to dare greatly.
　　So thank you all very much. I really appreciate
　　it.
。m perfect. And that is seductive. But the truth is, that never happens. And even if you got as perfect as you could and as bulletproof as you could possibly muster when you got in there, thatamp。m bulletproof and when Iamp。m going to go in there and kick some ass when Iamp。s seductive to stand outside the arena, because I think I did it my whole life, and think to myself, Iamp。re going to find our way back to each other, vulnerability is going to be that path. And I know itamp。ll leave you with this thought. If weamp。re in struggle: me too.
　　And so Iamp。t survive. The two most powerful words when weamp。s the antidote to you put shame in a Petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence and judgment. If you put the same amount in a Petri dish and douse it with empathy, it canamp。re going to find our way back to each other, we have to understand and know empathy, because empathyamp。re looking at each other. Very quickly, some research by Mahalik at Boston College. He asked, what do women need to do to conform to female norms? The top answers in this country: nice, thin, modest and use all available resources for appearance.
　　When he asked about men, what do men in this country need to do to conform with male norms, the answers were: always show emotional control, work is first, pursue status and violence.
　　If weamp。re working, the way weamp。re parenting, the way weamp。s done a lot of work.
　　Shame is an epidemic in our culture. And to get out from underneath it to find our way back to each other, we have to understand how it affects us and how it affects the way weamp。ll show you a guy whoamp。s all we need Iamp。
　　But he really listens because thatamp。I unloaded the dishwasher!amp。t do it all anymore, and his first response is not, amp。s just had it, she canamp。s done incredible work. You show me a man who can sit with a woman whoamp。ll show you a woman whoamp。
　　So I started interviewing men and asking questions. And what I learned is this: You show me a woman who can actually sit with a manin real vulnerability and fear, Iamp。s from the guys and the coaches and the dads. Because the women in my life are harder on me than anyone else.amp。t tell me itamp。d rather me die on top of my white horse than watch me fall down. When we reach out and be vulnerable, we get the shit beat out of us. And donamp。Theyamp。 amp。Yeah.amp。 I said, amp。Because you say to reach out, tell our story, be vulnerable. But you see those books you just signed for my wife and my three daughters?amp。 And he said, amp。Why?amp。
　　And I said, amp。s convenient.amp。Thatamp。 And he said, amp。t study men.amp。I donamp。 And I said, amp。t mention men.amp。m curious why you didnamp。I love what say about shame, Iamp。t until a man looked at me after a book signing, and said, amp。s a straightjacket.
　　For men, shame is not a bunch of peting, conflicting expectations. Shame is one, do not be perceived as what? Weak. I did not interview men for the first four years of my study. It wasnamp。re supposed to be. And itamp。t know how much perfume that mercial sold, but I guarantee you, it move