【正文】 。t have good really B: Older people know more than woman: When I was a young student, I got love letters from many men every the sake of manners, I went out with different men every day.(Boys A and B don39。t know what to the bus driver hits the old woman bumps into Female student C39。s hips.)Female student C:(surprised)You.....(The old woman looks at Female student C and says nothing.)Old woman: You have nice student B: I can39。t believe the old woman is capable of sexual student C: Maybe nowadays old people are not the same as those in the student A: Maybe after losing her husband, she feels student B: Ah!Here we 39。s get student C: We39。d better stay away from those strange people.(Female students get off the bus.)Boy B: Who are those strange people? They39。re real strange.(helps the old woman up)Are you .? Those young girls have no woman:(feels Boy B39。s hand)You also have a pair of very fine B:(startled)What?Boy A: This old woman is also very B: Let39。s go!Old woman: Don39。t be shy, young have held such kind of hand for a long time.(Boy B frees himself from the old woman39。s hand and gets off.)Old woman:(looks at Boy A)You39。re nice, A: Hmm, goodbye.(gets off).第五篇：搞笑英文話劇劇本(三打白骨精)搞笑英文話劇劇本Three Times’ Beating Monster人物：T唐僧 S：孫悟空 E：豬八戒 J：沙僧B：白骨精 B1：B變成的村姑 B2：B變成的太婆B3：B變化成的老頭 N：哪吒T: Emitofo,do you know where we are now? S: Bajie,map!E:(摸出，遞給S)S: Look,master(湊近T)………（T、S一齊轉(zhuǎn)向E）T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, nof to bring these pictures of beautiful girls with you!E: Oh,master!Forgive me(伸手拿回)T:(縮手)I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west E: But……T: Emitofo,nothing is lust,lust is nothing!Map?E:(遞)…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!Ah I can’t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn’t allow : Fat Pig!E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again,I will ，I will……….S: You will what(兇相)?E:(軟禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤).S: Hm!T:（輕咳）Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me some food?E: You see ,master is hungry,too!T: Baijie!Don’t forget who ate my last meal!J: But master,if a monster es while brother monkeg is away…..T: Em…….It is a ,do you have any idea? S: No problem!(安裝)（B已躲在一旁偷看）E: This is…..?S: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from master’s I made monster can approach you if you stay in it!T: Em……Wukong, you are being more and more scientific!Emitofo, knowledge is power!S: Bye!(走)T: Let’s play cards!(三人開(kāi)始打牌)音樂(lè)《斗地主》B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(變成B1)B1:(接近三人，望著)Can I join you?T: I’m sorry, are playing Fighting Against Landlord and three people are :(在一旁觀看)Oh,Chance!Bomb!T: Bomb?(打出)B1: Double King!T: Oh….I win!Em……,Lady,you are a in and teachme!(準(zhǔn)備開(kāi)電網(wǎng)門(mén))S:(回來(lái)，看見(jiàn)B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)B1:（倒)Ah……T:(氣憤)Wukong!Look what have done!She is my teacher!S: She is a monster!T: Nonsense!(深呼吸)S: Oh,please don’t……T:It’s too late!(唱)Once more……you open the door…(泰坦尼克主題曲，走音離譜)S: Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱頭)T:(嗆住，咳)Wukong,I’m disappointed with you!B:(真身出現(xiàn))Hm!Sun Wukong, I’ll teach you a lesson!(變成太婆)B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter?T: Daughter?...(連忙擋住地尸體)No,sorry!(陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T擋)S:（咬牙切齒）You monster, I’ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S打，不想打到T頭，T暈，S再打死B2)Eamp。J: Are you Ok, master?(扶T)J: Look,(伸食指)how many?T:Two…..(暈乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game over!(變成B3)B3:(看到B1,B2尸體)Oh….,my daughter, my wife!Who did it?！(哭喊)S: I’ll kill you, monster!(打)T:（想阻止，未及）You,you.....(險(xiǎn)些暈，E,J扶住)You have killed three lives!S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster!T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go！S:(悲，離去)（音樂(lè)，營(yíng)造 “假”悲傷氣氛）《人鬼情未了》E: Master, brother Monkey is.......T: Scratch!Don39。t mention that guy any more!B:(出現(xiàn))Ha,ha,ha!(三尸體B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飄”走)T:（驚）You are......B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗，被擊退)B:(抓住T)I39。ll enjoy your meat and blood,ha,ha......S:(悄悄走到B后，打B,B暈)A thousand years : Wukong?E: Oh,Brother Monkey!J: Our hero is back!T: I,I can39。t understand......What happened?S: Master,your IQ needs increasing!This monster changed its appearanceinto three shapes in order to cheat you!T: How,how did you find out? S:(沉默).......Monkey39。s intuition(直覺(jué))N: Excuse me, where is the iminal?S。Ah......you are too late ,Nezha!(對(duì)T)I39。ve called the :(搖醒B)You are under arrest.(出示證件)You have the right to remain silent If you give up the right, anything you will say can and will be against you in a court of law!(帶走B)T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I39。m sorry(小聲)S: What? T: I39。m : Em? Louder,please?T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)（音樂(lè)響）《敢問(wèn)路在何方》（這個(gè)放伴奏）T: Let39。s go guys!(歌)S: You are carrying the luggage, I am leading the : Say goodbye to the sun, Wele evening : Sleeping on the ground, again we set out set out, again we set : Ah......Ah......Sleeping on the ground again we set : One after the other the seasons go by,and ohe after the other, the yeargo wonder where the road road is under your : You uonder where the road is, the road is under your feet......