20xx脫口秀演講稿講解-資料下載頁(yè)
2025-01-17 02:08本頁(yè)面
【正文】 你”。)
If elected, I will make same sex marriage not only legal, but required!
如果我當(dāng)選，我不但會(huì)讓同性戀結(jié)婚合法，還會(huì)讓它必須。
That will give me the youth vote. You see I’m married now, but I used to be really scared about marriage. I was like, “Wow! 50% of all marriages end up lasting forever!”
這會(huì)幫助我贏得年輕人的選票。你看我已經(jīng)結(jié)婚了。但我過(guò)去對(duì)婚姻是非?？謶值?。我想：“哇，50%的婚姻結(jié)局是大家要在一起一輩子?！?br /> And I will eliminate unemployment in this country by reducing the productivity of the American workforce. So, two people will have to do the work of one, just like the president and the vice president, or the Olson twins.
我也會(huì)通過(guò)降低美國(guó)工人的生產(chǎn)率來(lái)消滅這個(gè)國(guó)家的失業(yè)。所以必須讓兩個(gè)人做一個(gè)人能做的事，就好像總統(tǒng)與副總統(tǒng)，又或者是Olsen姐妹(她們是雙胞胎，一起演真人秀，一起設(shè)計(jì)服裝)。
And despite heart diseases and cancer, most Americans die of natural causes. So if elected, I will find a cure for natural causes. You seem to like that one. But you won’t be covered by health insurance, you know. because of preexisting conditions.
除去心臟病和癌癥的因素，大多數(shù)美國(guó)人是自然死亡的。所以如果我當(dāng)選，我會(huì)找出一種治愈自然死亡的療法。你們看上去很喜歡這個(gè)。但是你們將不可能享受醫(yī)療保險(xiǎn)，因?yàn)橄惹皸l款。
And I have a quick solution for global warming. I will switch from Fahrenheit to Celsius. It was 100 degrees, now it’s 40! You are very wele!
我還有解決全球變暖的特效措施。如果我當(dāng)選了，我就把華氏改成攝氏。這樣以前的100度就會(huì)瞬間變成40度。
And I’m great with foreign policy because I am from China and I can see Russia from my backyard.
我也很擅長(zhǎng)外交政策，因?yàn)槲襾?lái)自中國(guó)。我從我家后院就看得到俄羅斯!(這里也隱指Sarah Palin曾經(jīng)說(shuō)的“我從我家門廊就看得到俄羅斯”)。
I believe that, you know, unilateralism is too expensive, and open dialog is too slow. So if elected, I will go with text messaging. I’ll text our allies just to say “hi”, and text our enemies when they are driving. “OMG you are building a nuclear weapon? but you’re doing it wrong, LOL!”
我認(rèn)為，單邊主義代價(jià)太高，公開(kāi)對(duì)話又效率太低。如果我當(dāng)選，我會(huì)選擇“發(fā)短信”。我會(huì)發(fā)給我的盟友，僅僅打著招呼。我會(huì)在敵人開(kāi)車的時(shí)侯給他們發(fā)短信?！疤靺?聽(tīng)說(shuō)你在造核武器?但是你們的做法是不對(duì)的!哈哈哈哈。OMG和LOL都是短信流行用語(yǔ), OMG是Oh My God, LOL是Laugh Out Loud)。
I just want to thank RadioTV Correspondents ** for have me here tonight, And this is the first time I wish my son knew what I was doing. Thank you so much and have a very good night. Thank ** guy
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