【正文】 s ment： Insert the paragraph on extracurricular activities here.）在此處適合加上前面建議挪地方的講課外活動(dòng)的那一 段： My heavy workload did not deter me from participating in extracurricular activities. As class monitor and a member of the Students Union, I honed my anizing skills and augmented my working capacity. I learned to be both a team leader and a team player. My belief that in order to enjoy a good life, we must help others has won me a close circle of friends. The bination of my strong personality, my intellectual vigor and my sheer determination stand me in good stead to face any new challenges. Now I am in desperate need of graduate education. Now I am in need of a graduate education. In the course of study and research, unsolvable problems would e up (emerge) whenever I went beyond my textbooks. In the course of my study and research, problems would arise which could not be solved by referring to a textbook. So many tentative plans came into my mind but I was without adequate knowledge, skills, and equipment to realize them. I need systematic training at a more advanced level. （此句沒(méi)有必要。品格里面有對(duì)專業(yè)的獻(xiàn)身精神，也有超越自身的利益而對(duì)社會(huì)的獻(xiàn)身精神。 切記： ―獨(dú)特性 ‖是寫作 PS 的生命。 第四種錯(cuò)誤是喜歡在開(kāi)頭交代自己寫這篇 PS 的目的，比方說(shuō)， ―This document is to facilitate my application for admission and scholarship.‖，我稱這種寫作為 ―說(shuō)了也白說(shuō) ‖的寫法。分?jǐn)?shù)只是一個(gè)參考而已， GRE主要看平均分?jǐn)?shù)線， TOEFL 則是一個(gè)過(guò)關(guān)分?jǐn)?shù)。但是一份草率，或者平庸，或者一看就是抄來(lái)的申請(qǐng)材料卻能讓你前功盡棄。 下一個(gè)常見(jiàn)到的寫作模塊是談出國(guó)留學(xué)的動(dòng)機(jī)，也就是表決心 以上是我國(guó)學(xué)生在寫作 PS 時(shí)的幾種常見(jiàn)的模式化方式，希望同學(xué)們?cè)谝院蟮膶懽髦?，反觀一下自己是不是也犯了這樣的錯(cuò)誤，從而能夠做到心中 有數(shù)，以防再落入俗套。 在經(jīng)過(guò)前一階段認(rèn)真的反思，找到自己準(zhǔn)確的定位之后，我們就該進(jìn)入PS 寫作的第三步了，這就是確立文章的主題。如果對(duì)這個(gè)學(xué)校沒(méi)有進(jìn)行過(guò)什么研究，那就不要寫下面這段話，什么你們學(xué)校有一流的師資 (most seasoned faculty)，有一流的設(shè)備(first class facilities)， 有一切為學(xué)生服務(wù)的精神 (catering to students‘ needs)， 還有你們很注重多元化 (diversity) 等等。s ment：這一段具體談想去的學(xué)校以及原因，應(yīng)該單獨(dú)成一段，放在后面。s ment： To read in the library is nothing special. ） On the other hand, I did not allow my heavy load of study to deter me from taking part in extracurricular activities. My heavy workload did not deter me from participating in extracurricular activities. As the monitor of the class and a member of the Students Union, I honed my anizing skills and augmented my work efficiency. As class monitor and a member of the Students Union, I honed my anizing (and munication) skills and augmented my working capacity. I learned to be both a team leader and a team player. Convinced that the meaning of life es from helping others, I have always been most obliging wherever anyone es to me for help, which has won me lots of friends. My belief that in order to enjoy a good life, we must help others has won me a close circle of friends. Such personality, bined with my intellectual vigor and determination, should stand me ready for any challenges. The bination of my strong personality, my intellectual vigor and my sheer determination stand me in good stead to face any new challenges.（ Editor39。 ‖ 如果你的申請(qǐng)動(dòng)機(jī)比較鼓舞人 (Inspiring )，就可以寫。 但是我們?cè)谌魏螘r(shí)候都不要忘了 Personal Statement 的本義。最嚴(yán)重的是引用名言。 個(gè)人陳述部分 克服思維慣性，認(rèn)識(shí) ―包裝 ‖的重要性 我國(guó)高中畢業(yè)生所面對(duì)的高考錄取制度幾乎是完全按照分?jǐn)?shù)來(lái)取人的， 但 國(guó)外大學(xué)的錄取情況卻有很大的不同 。 先談開(kāi)頭部分的 ―公式化 ‖的寫作。 怎樣寫好 PS — 我的心得 我們并不一定要按照國(guó)外的定義來(lái)承襲他們的寫作風(fēng)格。 我們?cè)陉愂鲎约旱膭?dòng)機(jī)時(shí) ，至少要給讀者這么一個(gè)印象：即你所說(shuō)的比較可信。 but better: under any circumstances, discrimination based on race, cultural background and creed.) I am born in a impoverished family isolated by high mountains. (was born in a place but born into a family) I have one brother and one sister. The fee for us three is (was) a great burden on my parents. When I was very young, I began to do what I can do (could) to help alleviate the financial burden on my parents and built (build) strong independent ability. (abilities) And I studied diligently and outperformed most of my classmates. For years, my academ*/ic report card was the main source of pride in my family. (and as a conjunction, is not clear. Because if you think about it, the two things or elements are not really parallel. Even though I had to work to help my parents financially, through diligent study, I outperformed most of my classmates.) （ Editor‘s ment： This paragraph about ―impoverished childhood‖ is once again very hackneyed. ） As the best student of my high school, I was well prepared in 199x when I took the National University Entrance Examinations, held nation wide once every year to screen high school graduates for higher education. I ranked the first in overall scores of (among) the students who entered the Department of Chemistry in Big Name University that year in my province. On the strength of these scores, I gained acceptance into the Department of Chemistry to begin my intense undergraduate chemistry study. I was proud of this since the Department of Chemistry of the Big Name University ranks 1st together with Peking University in chemistry education and research in P. R. China, and it has raised (produced) thousands of scholars. (The last sentence is unclear.) （ Editor‘s ment： The above paragraph is really too wordy. The author wants to say two things: he did well in the national examinations and he did so well that he won acceptance into the best chemistry department in China. We only need two sentences.） In 199x, ranking first in the National University Entrance exams among those applying from my province to study Chemistry at the Big Name University, I embarked on my university career. My excellent test scores guaranteed me a position on the undergraduate course at one of China‘s top chemistry departments. Since I entered into the university, I have studied diligently and conscientiously. With that, I have acquired a solid background in chemistry, mathematics and physics. (I studied diligently and conscientiously, acquiring a sound knowledge of not only chemistry but also physics and math. （ Editor‘s ment： We can bine the above two sentences, using participial phrases, which is often beyond the capabi