【正文】 we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?Nick39。The New TeacherGeorge es from school on the first of September.“George, how did you like your new teacher?” asked his mother.“I didn39。學(xué)生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。第一篇：英語幽默小短文英語幽默小短文Two birdsTeacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the : Please tell : The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the 老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一只是麻雀。The Fish Net“Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?”“A lot of little holes tied together with strings.” replied the little “你能告訴我魚網(wǎng)是什么做的嗎，安？” 老師發(fā)問道。t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too.....”新老師9月1日，喬治放學(xué)回到家里。s answer: Because our eyes are before 在一次物理考試時，當(dāng)同學(xué)們都還在苦思冥想時，尼克很快就答好了第一個問題。他去看醫(yī)生，醫(yī)生給他開了一些強力安眠藥。當(dāng)問及我是否受過其它的培訓(xùn)時，我老實地回答說我花了三年時間學(xué)計算機程序設(shè)計課。t know what to he thought for a while, and then he said,“ If it were me,” I would have taken the smaller onefirst.“ So the other guy said,” See!I knew that!That39。湯姆：真糟糕，怎么回事兒？約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠(yuǎn)，他贏了?！霸僖姷剿隳苷J(rèn)出來嗎？”媽媽問。s voice again, ”Guess what, just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only will now arrive in London three hours late.“ At this point, one passenger became furious.”For Pete39。只是我們要因此晚到一小時。” 正在這時，一位乘客非常氣憤地說：“看在上帝的份上，如果我們再掉一個引擎，我們就要整夜都要呆在天上了。m not wearing my glasses and he looks better to me，too.”戴眼鏡的好處海倫的視力不太好，所以他常戴眼鏡。有一天媽媽問她：“海倫，你和吉姆在一起時為什么從不戴眼鏡？他開車帶你去優(yōu)美的地方玩兒，可你什么也看不見。s a knife, this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman.“ ”Like a gentleman?“ Dick asked.”How do gentlemen do it?“ ”They always give the bigger piece to the other person.“ answered his aunt at once.”O(jiān)h“ said thought about this for a few he took the cake to his sister and said to her,”Cut this cake in half, Catherine.“.迪克年齡七歲，他的妹妹凱瑟琳五歲。不過，你得記住要做得像一個紳士那樣?！盬here It Should Be PluggedA mother is very good at using every chance to educate his son, who was only three years day, she took a plug and said to her son, ” Look, there are two pieces of copper, so it must be plugged in a place where there are two do you think it should be plugged?“ She waited for an answer expectfully.”Plug in nose.“ is the 一位母親十分善于利用每一個機會對孩子進行教育?！安逶诒亲永铮　眱鹤踊卮鹫f?！彼卮稹澳闶莻€好孩子”媽媽驕傲地說。so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the began to hit the cat said, “Do not hit your old have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young.”第三篇：英語幽默小短文英語幽默小短文Wake up!Wake up!It39?！盠ate one night at the insane asylum(瘋?cè)嗽海﹐ne inmate shouted, “I am Napoleon!”Another one said, “How do you know?”The first inmate said, “God told me!”Just then, a voice from another room shouted, “I did not!”瘋?cè)嗽阂惶焱砩?，在瘋?cè)嗽豪?，一個病人說：“我是拿破侖！”另一個說：“你怎么知道？”第一個人說：“上帝對我說的！”一會兒，一個聲音從另一個房間傳來：“我沒說！”ImprovementOne student to another: “How are your English lessons ing along?”“ used to be one who couldn39?！盚alf or Five Tenths?Teacher: Would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths?Gerald: I39。The Reason of Being LateTeacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?Johnny: Every time I e to the corner, a guidepost says, 39。學(xué)生甲：為什么呢？學(xué)生乙：因為二月是一年中最短的一個月。All Except the MusicA keen young teacher wanted to introduce her class to the glories of classicalmusic, so she arranged an outing to an afternoon make the occasion even more memorable, she treated everyone to lemonade, cake, chocs and as the party was getting