【正文】 to my house, I heard a song “Everyone Is Number One”。My hometownMy hometown is beautiful, which is more than words can describe. First of all, I would like to tell you that my hometown is in the countryside, so it is very quiet and beautiful. There are clean water and fresh air in our everyday life. Thick trees and green grass can be seen all over the hills. You also can find flowers and lovely animals everywhere. The green mountain is more beautiful against the sky. In summer, children often swim in the clean river and catch the fish. In winter, we like playing snow and skiing.In a word, my hometown is beautiful place. At the same time, the people here is very kind and friendly. They always help each other. Finally, I have to say I am proud of my hometown. 點評：文章語言通順，句與句之間使用了一些連接詞，使文章邏輯緊密。修改： hometown is ˇbeautiful place. 加“a” people here is very kind and ：are亮點：which is more than words can describe. 這無法用語言來描述 first of all 首先 can be seen 被動語態(tài)的使用，靈活運用語法結(jié)構(gòu)，使文章增色 against the sky 在藍天的映襯下 in a word 總之 be proud of … 為……感到感激高一（15）班，第三組：田丹、黃旭、柯亮、黃朝福、吳梅、曾憲偉 it was still standing there although it was struck by the strong wind. I was impressed by the small tree and I realized that whatever had happened, we should face the challenge and struggle with difficulties, and remember that sunshine is always showing up after the wind and rain.批老我們應該面對挑戰(zhàn)，同困難作斗爭。改為：mood.亮點：at the thought of… 一想到 which brought my heart into my 。 as with… tears filling my eyes. 獨立主格 against the strong wind and rain be struck by … be impressed by … whatever had happenedA funny storyOne day, Mr. Smith drove his car to meet his friends at the station. When he found there was still quite some time before the train arrived, he decided to take a short sleep. He was about to fall asleep when a young lady came and asked him the time. Mr. Smith opened his eyes and answered “half past eight” with a “Thank you”. The woman left. After a short while this happened again, so Mr. Smith wrote “I don’t know the time!” on a piece of paper and put it on the window of his car. But only a few minutes later, an old man came and woke him up, “Hi, young man, I can tell you the time, its nine o’clock now.” 批老s enjoy the beautiful scenery 作者：greatleap 時間：20081115 狀態(tài)：已批改 點擊數(shù)：8 [收藏該文章]習作原文It is a long time since I last went out to play with my classmates. So tense the study in senior 3 is that our monitor suggested we go to the countryside and relax ourselves, as well as enjoying the beautiful scenery in autumn. It is such an agreeable proposal that I will never refute.To begin with, we need relaxation as we are undergoing a hard period of time that will cause lifelong consequences. The pressure from peers and parents has made us almost out of breath. Then we need some activities to relieve our heavy burden.Furthermore, it must be a good chance to see the beauty of nature. We have little time now to enjoy ourselves in nice weather. It is high time to admire the charming autumn.In conclusion, the outing improves our studies in a way as it makes us relaxed. Obviously, learning is more than just listening to the knowledge in class. As a result, going to the countryside is what we eagerly need right now!批老 改為：should。句型：It is a proposal that....。 propose that...；It is/was proposed that亮點：1. It is a long monitor suggested we go...，虛擬語氣。 4. such an. a hard period of time we eagerly need文中使用了很多復雜句型和高級詞匯。高一（16）班 第9組：楊禮嘉，門學敏，劉穎，周賽男，李宏偉，何攀 I only wanted to play a joke on her! To my surprise, she was waiting there for a few hours the following day. Later she called back and said angrily that I wasn’t loyal to friends. At the beginning, I couldn’t understand what she meant. As the time went by, I realized that I was wrong. I could imagine how I could feel if someone treated me like that. I should imagine myself to be in her place.Though it was a little thing, it taught me a good lesson! From then on, I learnt how to deal with friends sincerely. I will never forget the day when I hurt my best friend deeply. That’s why I must seize the chance of the holiday to vi