【正文】 ease. I39。m the king of car crash television. But you39。re the king of it. That39。s good. Caption under photo. Odious. Why can39。t you e again? Because I39。m working. I39。ll send a car to e and pick you up. Dex, I can39。t. I know, and I39。m sorry. I39。m just so much better when you39。re around. Look, I39。m just worried I39。m gonna be stood in front of the camera thinking, What39。s the bloody point? The show39。s ridiculous. I39。m such a fraud, Em. Hey, e on. That39。s enough. You know what you39。re doing. You39。ll be fine. Right. Just don39。t speak in that weird voice, okay? Okay. All right. Bye. Get ready. Here we go. Great stuff. Let39。s move. Let39。s move! Okay, e on, guys. Let39。s go. We39。re on, superstar. Ladies and gentlemen, wele to Late Night Lock In. The show that is late, live... And loud! And what a show we39。ve got for you tonight. Yay! Well done, darling. Thank you. Come on, Miss Morley. Bravo! The Maxi Crew, ladies and gentlemen. The Maxi Crew. All right, take a seat, fellas. Take a seat. You can sit down there. Right, guys, I just wanna start by saying that that jam was fresh. Right, okay, so let39。s kick it off with... Let39。s ask some questions. What is hip hop? Is this the voice from the street? Is this why you guys are just so angry? No, dawg. It39。s chill, it39。s chill, it39。s chill. Right, okay. Listen, can you rap about anything? For example, could you rap about a cheese sandwich? Are you new here? Have you done this before? Oh, dear. Do not try this at home. Ian? Do you think you39。ll finish painting today? I39。d like to at least get the TV back inside. All right, all right. I can have breakfast first, can39。t I? We39。ve had breakfast. All right, brunch, then. Brunch. Is it lunch? Is it breakfast? No, it39。s brunch. What about brinner, say? Or brupper? Well, I should get on. Bearhug, snootch? I thought we agreed about snootch? I can39。t seem to say anything right these days, can I? Look, if you don39。t want me to go tonight... No, you should go. Or if you wanted to e with us... What? Dexter ignoring me, and you talking over me? No, thank you. It won39。t be like that. Anyway, I39。ve got a gig tonight at The Rose amp。 Crown, Sir Laffalots. Paid gig? No. Better get back to it then. Thirtyfour identical essays on Lord of the Flies. Em? About 1700 hours, do you fancy a little bit of the old... You know, Afternoon delight? Wow! You look incredible. Oh... Ooh! Let39。s see the dress. Is it vintage? No, it39。s brand new. Really? Mmm. Well, you look great, and I love the shoes. Thank you. It39。s the world39。s first orthopedic high heel. Look, it39。s been too long, Em. I need to have some fun tonight. Can we have fun, please? God, sorry. Look, I39。ll be two seconds. It39。s work. I39。m naked! Suki, you nutter. Where are you, baby? I thought you were supposed to be at the party. You do know they damage your brain? They do not damage your brain. How can you tell? Ha ha, very funny, Em. I guarantee you, one year, one year, and you39。ll have one of these. You39。re on. If I ever get a mobile phone, you can buy me dinner. What, again? So, e on. How39。s the king of edy? Oh, Ian39。s fine. We both are. Are you still very much in love? He can belch the theme to The ATeam. I39。m only flesh and blood. I don39。t know. These days, we don39。t seem to... And how39。s the new place? How39。s that? Flat39。s fine. Well, it39。s a room and a half in murder mile. And Ian39。s been talking about painting the same wall for the past six months. But it39。s got potential. There39。s a view. The Gasworks. You should e round. Mmm! Mmm. How39。s Suki? Oh, she39。s fantastic. Yeah, gorgeous. What39。s great for me is that she really understands the industry. You know, she knows exactly what it39。s like to be... I was gonna say famous. God, we hate the word. Every time I turn on the telly, she39。s there in a pink rubber catsuit. She39。s doing incredibly well. Yeah, yeah. Well, we both are. I39。ve got some really, really exciting stuff ing up. It39。s all sort of in development. If I told you, I39。d have to shoot you. Please do. Never mind. Start without me, all right? Hello. There you are. Enjoy. What are you doing, you silly thing? Well, listen, we39。ll talk later. Look at this. This looks gorgeous. Are you all right? Maybe she could join us? Hey, hey, hey, what39。s this? I39。m here to see you, remember? Right, well, how39。s the teaching? What? If you39。re not interested, don39。t ask. I am interested. I just thought you were going to be writing this novel, that39。s all. And I will. But I have to earn a living. More to the point, I enjoy it. I39。m a bloody good teacher, Dexter. I39。m sure you are. Still, you know what they say? No, what do they say? You know, Those who can... No, I39。m sorry. I39。m not familiar. Finish the sentence. All right. Well, Those who can, do, and those who can39。t, teach. And those who can teach say, Go fuck yourself! Em! Em, e on. Look, whatever I39。ve done, I39。m sorry. You39。ve obviously had a bit too much to drink. No, you39。re drunk! You39。re drunk! Do you realize that I have literally not seen you sober for three years? Nipping off to the toilet every 10 minutes. Either you39。re on coke, or you39。ve got dysentery. Either way, it39。s boring! Banging on about yourself all the time. Well, I wouldn39。t mind, Dex, but you39。re a TV presenter, all right? You39。ve not invented penicillin. All you do is stand around shouting, Make some noise! Look, I am having fun, that39。s all. I39。ve been through a lot recently. I might get a bi