【正文】 dofitscooperation. Peoplearoundthecountryaremakingtheireffortstohelpingothers,whichleavestheworldanimpressionthatChinaisavealcountry,andallthepeopleherearelikebrothersandsisters,whocaresalotforothers.YoucanneverimaginehowtouchedIwaswhenIwatchedtheTVprogramcalled“ MovingChina” .13peasantsfromtangshangvolunteeredtohelpthosevictimsofSichuangonhearingthetremendousearthquakehappenedthere,leavingalltheirfarmworkdoneinthefieldtheysacrifiledanythingandhelpedothersatanycost,fortheyknewtheglantpainstheearthertakenintheearthquakeandhowmuchhelptheyhavereceivedfromthew,peoplewillpassthespiritfromgenerationtoqueneration,howsweetwilltheWorldbe! Ihaveadreamthatoneday,adreamthatoneday,I39。llmakecontributionstoChinahoweverslightes39。llbeafounderofaworldCharity,39。mfirmlyconvincedthatitwillnotonlybeadreanforme,butalsoadreanforpeoplealloverChina,allovertheworld,andforthegreatGlobalVillage. 專家建議： 整篇文章條理清晰，結構完整，總 體感覺很好。但有個別語法錯誤，固定搭配有些用得不夠準確，建議多用課本學過的固定搭配或是詞組造句。 專家點評： 文章語言流暢，運用了修辭手法，展現(xiàn)出一定的語言功底。此外，論據(jù)生動有力，讓人信服。如果句子之間的多用些關聯(lián)詞就更好了。 陳茜江蘇省哈爾濱市第三中學高三 18 班 Deargrandfather: Howareyou? Iamwritingtoinviteyoutojoinus,inthenextyear,tobeavoluntearinthegreatevent,agenerationborninthe90sinourcity,edbyallourteammembersawingtoyourgreatamountofknowledgeabo39。ttellmeyouaretoooldtgmyfollowingexplannationoftheimportanceofthevolunteerwork. Nowadays,volunteerwork,whichhasraisedpublicinterestandconcern,oall,ersonalwete,what39。smore,it39。sinterestingandpleasant!Ithelpusdevelopoursel. Firstly,forindividuals,especiallythoseyoung,todovolunteerwork,theycanmeetvorriouspeopleandtheymayrunacrossallkindsoftrou,canbeematureanddeterminedbysolvingthesep,nopains,individualswillrealizethattheydomakeadifferenceinsomeoneelse39。slife,eventhewholeevent,theworld!Theirconfidencecanberovisedandconfidenceiswhatittakestodoanyjobwell. Forfamilies,ifyou39。rethesidethatreceivedthehelpofthevolunteers,39。rethesidewhogiveothersyourhand,youwillrealizethereexistsnobetterwaytoeducateyourchildrenthat “ avirtwredeseruesamother ”becauseyou39。llgetthebestpresentsmallatfirst,containedwithinitsbanks,floodpassionallythenmergedintothesea,forthesenseofmor,Iquitesupporttobeavolunteer. Wecanneverfetthesemovingscenes:AgroupofadolecentsfromBeijingdashedtotheCityofWenchuanwhogaveuptheirfortablelivingsituationsandpickeduptheheavyburdentosavepeopleburiedintotheground,whileamiddleagedwhitecollarwhothrewawayhisputerandsalarycameheretofetchwictims39。whorushedtothisplacewhichhassufferedfromthecatastrophethatgafsky,andthisonereasonIameagertojointhem. Secondly,onlyavolunteerwhoisinactivepartinBeijingOlympicGamearmweletoBeijingthatputtheglorioussportsmeetingfrominchao,asweknow,whohasn ’tjoinintothegroupofvolunteerisoneoftheunfortunatevictimsofthotletitgo,ifwechoosethewaytoarguewiththemind,thestrongerthewill,themorefuitilethetask,sowe,shouldchooseawaytohelpothers,gointoraptureatamerementionofbeingavolunteerandregarditasapersonwhoiseagertohelpothersoragroupnotinthesameclasswiththesu 233。butasayingwhichisaninfallibilitythatasplendidcasecannotleaveavolunteerjustasafishcannotlivewithoutwater. 專家點評：作者盡量用到了一些高級詞語和句型，表明作者有一定的英語功底，但是小的錯誤頻發(fā)，如單詞拼寫，語法問題，句子邏輯，這在某一方面也表明作者的基本功有待提高，繼續(xù)努力。 專家建議：用詞準確是寫作的基礎。對于學習英語的中國學生來說，背單詞擴大詞匯量是有必要的，但遺憾的是，學生們背的 大都是單詞的“外殼”，記的大都是單詞的表意或字典提供的大致意思，而基本上忽視了詞在語境中的作用和詞的“精神”。這種只記單詞表意的學習方法對提高語言的運用能力，特別是寫作能力是極其不利的。 Letusshine 徐葉子江蘇省張家港市張家港外國語學校高二 4 班 Volunteersarejustlikediamondsinthesun,andthediamondsareforever,eMay12thearthquaketothe2021BeijingOlympicGames,volunteerworkmadeunbelievablecontributions. 60yearsagoourcountrywassetup,todaywewillcelebrateits60thbirt,volunteerworkdidalotofhelpandnowourcountr,volunteershavehelpedalargenumberofpeople,theold,theyoung,thepoorandthragged,butnomatterwhatobstaclesstandintheirwaytheywillnevers.Ohthecreedofvolunteerwork,youmakevolunteerskeepongoingwithou,youmakevolunteershandi,youmakevolunteersgototheedgeoftheworldandletthemknowthetruemeani?Yes,volunteerworkmakespeopleopentheirmindandletthemfindtheskyistheirs.Withlove,volunteerworkmakespeoplelookintotheirheartsandlett,volunteerworkmakespeoplebelievethatsmilerswillneverloseandfrownerswillneverwin. mportanttovolunteerworkandvolunteerworkisimportanttothewholeworld. 39。sourturntolearnsomeor,let39。smakeawishandgetreadytoshinelikediamonds. 專家建議： 建議該考生在語言流暢的基礎之上，注意兩方面問題。第一，用詞更具體些，避免使用語義較為空泛的表達，如 learnsomeorwinsome。第二，文章華美有余，但邏輯層次不足。需加強句子與句子之間以及段落與段落間的邏輯性。 專家點評： 該作文使用了很多修辭方式，從這一點上看，作者在學習英語的過程中一定是位有心人，注重邊閱讀邊積累背誦。同時能看出，作者一定是一位喜愛英文歌曲的人，文中很多表達都來自于音樂歌詞。但在遣詞造句時，需要區(qū)分口頭表達和較書面表達，在這點上，文章還有提高的空間。