【文章內(nèi)容簡介】 with your ’t think about what you’re going to have for you want to get out of the conversation, get out of the conversation, but don’t be half in it and half out of two: don’t you want to state your opinion without any opportunity for response or argument or pushback or growth, write a there’s a really good reason why I don’t allow pundits on my show: because they’re really they’re conservative, they’re going to hate Obama and food stamps and they’re liberal, they’re going to hate big banks and oil corporations and Dick you don’t want to be like need to enter every conversation assuming that you have something to famed therapist Peck said that true listening requires a setting aside of sometimes that means setting aside your personal said that sensing this acceptance, the speaker will bee less and less vulnerable and more and more likely to open up the inner recesses of his or her mind to the , assume that you have something to Nye:” everyone you will ever meet knows something that you don’t.” I put it this way: Everybody is an expert in three: use openended this case, take a cue from your questions with who, what, when, where, why or you put in a plicated question, you’re going to get a simple answer I ask you,” were you terrified?”You are going to respond to the most powerful word in that sentence, which is “terrified,” and the answer is “Yes, I was” or “No, I wasn’t.” “were you angry?” “ yes, I was very angry.” Let them describe ’re the ones that asking them things like,” what was that like?” “how did that feel?” Because then they might have to stop for a moment and think about it, and you’re going to get a much more interesting four: give with the means thoughts will e into your ’ve heard interviews often in which a guest is talking for several minutes and that es back in and asks a question which seems like it es out of nowhere, or it’s already been means the host probably stopped listening two minutes ago because he thought of this really clever question, and he was just bound and determined to say we do the exact same ’re sitting there having a conversation with someone, and then we remember that time that we met Hugh Jackman in a coffee we stop and ideas are going to e to need to let them e and let them five: if you don’t know, say that you don’t , people on the radio, especially on NPR, are much more aware that they’re going on the record, and so they’re more careful about what they claim to be an expert in and what they claim to know for on the side of should not be six: don’t equate your experience with they’re talking about having lost a family member, don’t start talking about the time you lost a family they’re talking about the trouble they’re having at work, don’t tell them about how much you hate your ’s not the is never the experiences are , more importantly, it is not about don’t need to take that moment to prove how amazing you are or how much you’ve asked Stephen Hawking once what his IQ was, and he said, “I have no who brag about their IQs are losers.” Conversations are not a promotional seven: try not to repeat ’s condescending, and it’s really boring, and we tend to do it a in work conversations or in conversations with our kids, we have a point to make, so we just keep rephrasing it over and ’t do eight: stay out of the , people don’t care about the years, the names, the dates, all those details that you’re struggling to e up with in your don’t they care about is care about what you’re like, what you have in forget the them nine: this is not the last one, but it is the most important cannot tell you how many really important people have said that listening is perhaps the most, the number one most important skill that you could said, and I’m paraphrasing, “If your mouth is open, you’re not learning.” And Calvin Coolidge said, “No man ever listened his way out of a job.” Why do we not listen to each other? Number one, we’d rather I’m talking, I’m in don’t have to hear anything I’m not interested ’m the center of can bolster my own there’s another reason: we get average person talks at about 225 words per minute, but we can listen at up to 500 words per our minds are filling in those other 275 look, I know, it takes effort and energy to actually pay attention to someone, but if you can’t do that, you’re not in a ’re just two people shouting out barely related sentences in the same have to listen to one Covey said it very said,” most of us don’t listen with the intent to listen with the intent to reply.” One more rule, number 10, and it’s this one: be good conversation is like a miniskirt。short enough to retain interest, but long enough to cover the subject.—my of this boils down to the same basic concept, and it is this one: be interested in other know, I grew up with a very famous grandfather, and there was kind of a ritual in my would e over to talk to my grandparents, and after they would leave, my mother would e over to us, and she’d say, “Do you know who that was? She was the runnerup to Miss was the mayor of won a Pulitzer ‘s a Russian ballet dancer.”And I kind of grew up assuming everyone has some hidden, amazing thing ab