【文章內(nèi)容簡(jiǎn)介】 erspective. How much of a father, really, had he been? Why hadn’t I grieved more over losing him? Had Iever forgiven him for his shortings?父親安葬后,他在多大程度上象一個(gè)父親呢?我為什么沒有因?yàn)槭ニ油纯嗔魈槟?我是否原諒過他的缺點(diǎn)呢?From my teenage years onward, I had expected a grea deal of encouragement from my dad, but it seldom came. I told him. After senior year of high school, that I wanted to bee an actor. He launched into a speech about the instaility of such a career： “The odds are you’d wind up. Holding a tin cup on the corner.”從十幾歲開始,:最終你可能會(huì)拿著錢罐站在街角.One time, after after we had argued over my decision to take acting lessons in New York, he stormed up to my room. I met him at the doorway. We stood toetotoe, and I held up my fist and glared at him trembling, and said the issue was was settled unless he wanted to fight. The red fury drained from his face, and he turned, shoulders slumped, slumped, to walk away. A rite of passage had taken place in a second, leaving me on my own without his resistance.有一次我決定到紐約去上表演課,我握著拳頭,而我就要靠自己了.But his general air of caution continued. After I did bee a professional actor, he came to see me in a Broadway show and later remarked, “Of course, it would be wise to have something else to fall back on.”,當(dāng)然,轉(zhuǎn)行做其他的也不失為明智之舉.I fell back, so to speak, on newspaper work, only to quit when my first book was published. “Now,” he said, “ is the perfect time, with this credential, When I told him I intended to remain selfemployed for as long as possible, he fell silent.在我的第一本書出版之后,我轉(zhuǎn)行了(權(quán)且這么說吧),在一家報(bào)社工作.現(xiàn)在,父親說,.當(dāng)我告訴他,只要可能我會(huì)一直做一個(gè)自由職業(yè)者時(shí),他沉默了.As the years went by, his ecpressions of doubt in response to my unspoken pleas for a father’s blind faith became predictable. And I came to realize that my father’s warnings were his way of relating to me. In earlier years I had thought He didn’t care, but I came to understand that he was offering what he could.以后的歲月中，每當(dāng)我默默期盼父親的信任支持時(shí)，總會(huì)不出預(yù)料遇到一副懷疑的表情。我意識(shí)到警告是父親與我溝通的方式。漸漸地,后來我發(fā)現(xiàn)他已經(jīng)在盡力而為了.I also realized that he had even inspired me―not by words, but by what he had done. He had e home from a terrifying war to raise six kids in a house with a yard. He had returned, with so many other men of his generation to create stability and safety for those in his care and to give them a future.同時(shí)我也意識(shí)到父親甚至曾經(jīng)啟發(fā)鼓勵(lì)過我沒有言語,他回來了,就要給需要他照顧的人穩(wěn)定的生活和安全保障,并且讓他們有光明的未來.He spent two decades in advertising and longer in real estate, meanwhile always taking us on vacations and sending us through college. By providing a foundation, he enabled his children to feel strong enough to go their individual ways. As we scattered, he wrote frequent letters and planned our reunions.他先后從事二十多年的廣告業(yè)務(wù),父親就經(jīng)常寫信安排我們團(tuán)聚.Just two weeks bdfore he died, my father held a birthday celebration for Mom. We flew from our separate homes to Florida and, during our stay, joined him on a fishing trip. Dad did not look well.就在父親去世前兩星期,.We had no idea then how perilous his condition had bee. As I look back, it’s clear that he had deliberately kept all of that hidden from us to avoid spoiling our fun.我們對(duì)父親的情況有多么嚴(yán)重一無所現(xiàn)在回想起來,很明顯父親是故意掩蓋自己的病情，就是為了不掃我們的興.The morning we were to leave Florida, be pulled me aside and pointed to a mysterious box about three feet long and two feet deep. Inside, to my astonishment, were hundreds of clippings relating to almost everything I had done in my life. “I figured you might like to have this,” Dad said.我們要離開弗洛里達(dá)的那天早上父親把我拉進(jìn)了里屋,箱子里面竟是數(shù)百張的剪報(bào)幾乎包括了我過去所做的一切. 我猜你可能會(huì)想要這個(gè),父親說.We hugged each other, not knowing it would be for last time, but my fathter must have sensed that he would not be around much longer.我們擁抱在一起,從未想到這竟是最后一次。但父親一定是感到了自己將不會(huì)在我們身邊多久了.Lifting the heavy box, I suddenly understood that no matter how negative his words had seemed, nothing could erase his concrete act of filling the box, piece by piece, ever since I left him. All that time, it turned out, he had been there―sharing my life. 抬起沉重的箱子,我突然明白了不管父親的話有多么難聽,.Then came word that he was dying and then came the months of thinking about him. Now a full year and a half have gone by without him, and I miss hime beyond words. What I miss most, ironically, is that time long ago when I was a boy trusting his father to carry him blindly through life and to protect him. The security lay in simly knowing he was there.后來,聽說父親病危。,父親離開我們已有一年了,我對(duì)他的思念之情卻日益加深,我最懷念的是很久以前的孩提時(shí)代,我坐在父親的肩膀上,讓父親看不見路卻依然前行,:我知道父親就在身邊.One day I found myself walking along with my own son, Benjamin, who was five years old. When I lifted him onto my shoulders, he reached his hands around my head so they covered my eyes. “I can’t see,” I said, but his little finges maintained their grip. I ealked on in the sudden darkness, groping, feeling his weght above me , the way my father had done for me when I was the same age. I felt, then , the first surge of hot tears since Dad died, and found myself being a new blind hero in the strange, magical land of fatherhood, where the journey always begins in hope an