【文章內(nèi)容簡介】 官，你只能選擇腹誹，恨在心里。如大放厥詞、口無遮攔地進行猛烈抨擊，有人會認(rèn)為你是在含沙射影，指桑罵槐。曲高和寡。你在表明自己愛和恨的同時，實際上是在孤立自己，很有可能成為他人尤其是領(lǐng)導(dǎo)設(shè)防的對象。要議論就議論美國的克林頓，伊拉克的薩達(dá)姆。所以經(jīng)過辦公室的歷練后，人人都會把握住“說古不說 今，說外不說中，說遠(yuǎn)不說近”原則的。 十三、歸因定律：凡是職務(wù)上不去的，眾口一詞就是不會拉關(guān)系 2020515 18:09:23 現(xiàn)在女孩子要求老公標(biāo)準(zhǔn)作者： 佚名 推薦人：寒穎曦 來源：網(wǎng)絡(luò)有點害羞，但曾在分別的街頭，大聲說我愛你。 同我去廟里求簽，輕輕捉住我的手一同跪下。 言而有信。 從來不遲到 —— 我遲到他不生氣。 擁抱很久、很緊 —— 每次我起身時幾乎是需要慢慢推開他。 睡得比我遲一點，醒來早一點。 朦朧醒來輕呼我的名字 —— 沒有呼錯。 記得我的日期、鞋號、最怕的事。 我很怕蟲子，見 到蟲子大聲尖叫他不會笑我。 笑起來很像個壞蛋 —— 其實不是。 不舒服時，請假帶我去看醫(yī)生，回來路上買冰淇淋做鼓勵。 開車絕不喝酒，讓我系上安全帶。 幫我做家務(wù)，每天。邊做邊聊天。 常常幫助別人，不為什么。 答應(yīng)我﹕永遠(yuǎn)不。然后永遠(yuǎn)不。 白煮蛋的黃可以給他吃。 雨天散步，背我過積水，說﹕你還可以再胖一些啊。 吵嘴時不會一走了之。 錯了會認(rèn)錯。 我說笑話他笑。 逛街時我看中同一款式三種顏色的裙子，他說﹕都試一遍好了。 2020515 18:07:18 我要是網(wǎng)管，我就虐死你作者： 佚名 推薦人 ：崶訫鎻愛 來源：《大眾時尚》 現(xiàn)在的網(wǎng)吧客人 98%都弱智的很，開機的不會，輸入法切換不會，玩私服登陸器怎么用不會， 開語音不會，進了游戲不會退出，私服服務(wù)器關(guān)了說我機子問題，老子真想一把捏死他，捏死再打成一團，再搓成麻花，放油鍋里炸，再拿出來一腳踩的粉碎，語音聊天不會開 MIC，說：“網(wǎng)吧耳機是壞的。看電影嫌不是普通話的！問我：“網(wǎng)管，有沒有毛片乍？”我說沒，他怪電影不全！ 登陸不上說機器不好！老子跑過去一看，密碼不對。還問我密碼多少?。。?！還有一個更厲害的小妞，接了一個不認(rèn)識的網(wǎng)友的視頻， 喊我過去，問我視頻里的人是誰？我暈，老子還有這本事 $$?。。〈蛉?CS 別人放顆煙霧彈，他遭閃了，狂喊：網(wǎng)管死機??還有更絕的，前天一個 MM 聊 問我怎么打字。我問她：“你會打字嗎？”她說會。我說，哪你打字就行了（同時幫她調(diào)好輸入法），一會她又叫我。說：“我怎么打不出字來啊?！蔽艺f你要打什么字打不出來？她告訴我說：“你就打個“你好吧”，我?guī)退蛄?。然后你們知道她怎么說嗎：你別走了，就坐我邊上幫我打字好了。差點沒吐出來，長的全然就是一個恐龍。 今天有人問我，網(wǎng)管我這里怎么沒有 幣呢，你幫我下載點 幣??“那玩 意要是能下載我就不用上班了??“網(wǎng)管！ 怎么激活?。?！”唉，這個都不會。忙?? 2020515 14:13:21 [雙語幽默 ]安眠藥作者： 佚名 推薦人： samuelkevin 來源： Pills Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extrastrong sleeping pills. Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: I didnt have a bit of trouble getting up this morning. Thats fine, roared the boss, but where were you Monday and Tuesday? 安眠藥 鮑勃晚上失眠。他去看醫(yī)生，醫(yī)生給他開了一些強力安眠藥。 星期天晚上鮑勃吃了藥，睡得很好，在鬧鐘響之前就醒了過來。他到了辦公室，遛達(dá)進去，對老板說：“我今天早上起床一點麻煩都沒有?！? “好啊 !”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪兒去了？” 2020515 14:01:46 [雙語幽默 ]單簧管作者： 佚名 推薦人： samuelkevin 來源： When I played with a symphony orchestra, our union reached an agreement with a major airline about which instruments we could carry on board, and which had to be shipped as luggage. A cellist was dismayed to find that his delicate, expensive wood instrument was consigned to the rougher handling and cold temperatures of the baggage hold. He neatly solved the problem. Cello in hand, he approached the flight attendant at the gate and asked, May I bring my clari on board? Scanning her list, she replied, Claris are okay. Have a good trip, and, smiling, waved him on. 單簧管 我在一個交響樂團演奏時，我們樂團與一家大航空公司達(dá)成協(xié)議，哪些樂器可以帶上飛機，哪些樂器要作為行李托運。一個大提琴手驚愕地發(fā)現(xiàn)他那精致、昂貴的木質(zhì)樂器竟要托運，經(jīng)受行李艙內(nèi)的低溫以及野蠻的裝缷。 他干凈利落地解決了這個問題。他手里拿著大提琴，走到門口的空中小姐跟前，問道：“我可以將我單簧管帶上飛機嗎？”她檢視了一下單子，答道，“單簧管可以。祝你旅途愉快。”然后微笑著揮手讓他進去了。 2020515 14:01:16 ［雙語幽默］給妻子的玫瑰作者： 佚名 推薦人： samuelkevin 來源： for My Wife On the way home one night, I spotted some freshcut roses outside a florists shop. After selecting a dozen and entering the shop, I was greeted by a young saleswoman. Are these for your wife, sir? she asked. Yes, I said. For her birthday? she asked. No, I replied. For your anniversary? No, I said again. As I pocketed my change and headed toward the door, the young woman called out, I hope she fives you. 給妻子的玫瑰 一天晚上回家的路上，我看到一家花店外面有一些剛剪下來的玫瑰。我挑了一打，走進店里，一個年輕的女售貨員跟我打了個招呼。 “先生，這些是送給你妻子的嗎？”她問道。 “是的，”我說。 “她的生日？”她問。 “不是，”我回答。 “你們的結(jié)婚紀(jì)念日？” “不是，”我又答道。 當(dāng)我將找回的錢裝進口袋，朝門口走去時，那年輕的女人沖我喊道：“希望她能原諒你?！? 2020515 14:00:44 ［雙語幽默］要求加薪作者： 佚名 推薦 人： samuelkevin 來源： for a Raise At the radio station where I worked, the manager called me into his office to preview a new soundeffects package we were considering purchasing. He closed the door so we wouldnt bother people in the outer office. After listening to a few routine sound effects, we started playing around with low moans, maniacal screams, hysterical laughter, pleading and gunshots. When I finally opened the door and passed the managers secretary, she looked up and inquired, Asking for a raise again? 要求加薪 我在一家電臺工作。經(jīng)理把我叫進他的辦公室，讓我預(yù)試一下我們準(zhǔn)備購買的一套新的音響效果設(shè)備。他關(guān)上門，以免打擾外面辦公室的人。 聽了幾個常規(guī)的音響效果后，我們開始試聽低聲的呻吟，狂亂的尖叫，歇斯底里的大笑，哀求逺和槍聲。最后我開門出去，從經(jīng)理秘書旁邊經(jīng)過時，她抬起頭問道：“又要求加薪了？” 2020515 14:00:13 [雙語幽默 ]天氣預(yù)報作者： 佚名 推薦人： samuelkevin 來源： Predict A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, Tomorrow rain. The next day it rained. A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, Tomorrow storm. The next day there was a hailstorm. This Indian is incredible, said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didnt show up for two weeks. Finally the director sent for him. I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow, said the director, and Im depending on you. What will the weather be like? The Indian shrugged his shoulders. Dont know, he said. Radio is broken. 天氣預(yù)報 一個電影攝制組在沙漠深處工作。一天，一個印度老人到導(dǎo)演跟前告訴導(dǎo)演說： 明天下雨。 第二天果然下雨了。 一周后，印度人又來告訴導(dǎo)演說， 明天有風(fēng)暴。 果然，第二天下了雹暴。 印度人真神 導(dǎo)演說，他告訴秘書雇傭該印度人來預(yù)報天氣。 幾次預(yù)報都很成功。然后，接下來的兩周，印度人不見了。 最后，導(dǎo)演派人去把他叫來了。 我明天必須拍一個很大的場 景 導(dǎo)演說， 這得靠你了 .明天天氣如何啊 ? 印度人聳了聳肩 .我不知道 ,印度人說 ,收音機壞了 . 2020515 13:59:35 ［雙語幽默］偉大的獵手 Jonesie 作者： 佚名 推薦人： samuelkevin 來源： The Great Lion Hunter A small village was troubled by a maneating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to e and kill the beast. For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion. In the middle of the night, the vill