【文章內(nèi)容簡(jiǎn)介】 . They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didnamp。39。t talk about vulnerability being fortable,nor did they really talk about it being excruciating as I had heard it earlier in the shame just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say, amp。quot。I love youamp。quot。 first ... the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees ... the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram. Theyamp。39。re willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out. They thought this was fundamental.
　　I personally thought it was betrayal. I could not believe I had pledged allegiance to research, where our job you know, the definition of research is to control and predict, to study phenomena for the explicit reason to control and predict. And now my mission to control and predict had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability and to stop controlling and predicting. This led to a little breakdown
　　And it did.
　　I call it a breakdown。 my therapist calls it a spiritual awakening.
　　A spiritual awakening sounds better than breakdown, but I assure you, it was a breakdown. And I had to put my data away and go find a therapist. Let me tell you something: you know who you are when you call your friends and say, amp。quot。I think I need to see somebody. Do you have any remendations?amp。quot。 Because about five of my friends were like, amp。quot。Wooo, I wouldnamp。39。t want to be your therapist.amp。quot。
　　I was like, amp。quot。What does that mean?amp。quot。 And theyamp。39。re like, amp。quot。Iamp。39。m just saying, you know. Donamp。39。t bring your measuring stick.amp。quot。
　　I was like, amp。quot。Okay.amp。quot。 So I found a therapist. My first meeting with her, Diana I brought in my list of the way the wholehearted live, and I sat down. And she said, amp。quot。How are you?amp。quot。 And I said, amp。quot。Iamp。39。m great. Iamp。39。m okay.amp。quot。 She said, amp。quot。Whatamp。39。s going on?amp。quot。 And this is a therapist who sees therapists, because we have to go to those, because their . meters are good.
　　And so I said, amp。quot。Hereamp。39。s the thing, Iamp。39。m struggling.amp。quot。 And she said, amp。quot。Whatamp。39。s the struggle?amp。quot。 And I said, amp。quot。Well, I have a vulnerability issue. And I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that itamp。39。s also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love. And I think I have a problem, and I need some help.amp。quot。 And I said, amp。quot。But hereamp。39。s the thing: no family stuff, no childhood shit.
　　amp。quot。I just need some strategies.amp。quot。
　　Thank you. So she goes like this.
　　And then I said, amp。quot。Itamp。39。s bad, right?amp。quot。 And she said, amp。quot。Itamp。39。s neither good nor bad.amp。quot。
　　amp。quot。It just is what it is.amp。quot。 And I said, amp。quot。Oh my God, this is going to suck.amp。quot。
　　And it did, and it didnamp。39。t. And it took about a year. And you know how there are people that, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important, that they surrender and walk into it. A: thatamp。39。s not me, and B: I donamp。39。t even hang out with people like that.
　　For me, it was a yearlong street fight. It was a slugfest. Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back. I lost the fight, but probably won my life back.
　　And so then I went back into the research and spent the next couple of years really trying to understand what they, the wholehearted, what choices they were making, and what we are doing with do we struggle with it so much? Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability? No.
　　So this is what I learned. We numb vulnerability when weamp。39。re waiting for the call. It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook that says, amp。quot。How would you define vulnerability? What makes you feel vulnerable?amp。quot。 And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses. Because I wanted to know whatamp。39。s out there. Having to ask my husband for help because Iamp。39。m sick, and weamp。39。re newly married。 initiating sex with my husband。 initiating sex with my wife。 being turned down。 asking someone out。 waiting for the doctor to call back。 getting laid off。 laying off people. This is the world we live in. We live in a vulnerable world. And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability.
　　And I think thereamp。39。s evidence and itamp。39。s not the only reason this evidence exists, but I think itamp。39。s a huge cause We are the most indebt ... obese ... addicted and medicated adult cohort in . history. The problem is and I learned this from the research that you cannot selectively numb emotion. You canamp。39。t say, hereamp。39。s the bad stuff. Hereamp。39。s vulnerability, hereamp。39。s