【文章內(nèi)容簡(jiǎn)介】 wen。 distinguished guests, undistinguished guests you know who you are, honored faculty and creepy Spanish teacher. And thank you to all the graduating class of 2019, I realize most of you are hungover and have splitting headaches and havent slept since Fat Tuesday, but you cant graduate til I finish, so listen up.　　When I was asked to make the mencement speech, I immediately said yes. Then I went to look up what mencement meant. Which would have been easy if I had a dictionary, but most of the books in our house are Portias, and theyre all written in Australian. So I had to break the word down myself, to find out the meaning.　　Commencement: mon, and cement. Common cement. You monly see cement on sidewalks. Sidewalks have cracks, and if you step on a crack, you break your mothers back. So theres that. But Im honored that youve asked me here to speak at your mon cement.　　I thought that you had to be a famous alumnus alumini aluminum alumis you had to graduate from this school. And I didnt go to college here, and I dont know if President Cowan knows, I didnt go to any college at all. Any college. And Im not saying you wasted your time, or money, but look at me, I’m a huge celebrity.　　Although I did graduate from the school of hard knocks, our mascot was the knockers. I spent a lot of time here growing up. My mom worked at (估計(jì)是某家商店的名字) and I would go there every time I needed to steal something out of her purse. But why am I here todayClearly not to steal, youre too far away and Id never get away with it.　　Im here because of you. Because I cant think of a more tenacious, more courageous graduating class. I mean, look at you all, wearing your robes. Usually when youre wearing a robe at 10 in the morning, it means youve given up. Im here because I love New Orleans. I was born and raised here, I spent my formative years here, and like you, while I was living here I only did laundry six times. When I finished school, I was pletely lost. And by school, I mean middle school, but I went ahead and finished high school anyway. And I I really, I had no ambition, I didnt know what I wanted to do. I did everything from I shucked oysters, I was a hostess, I was a bartender, I was a waitress, I painted houses, I sold vaccuum cleaners, I had no idea. And I thought Id just finally settle in some job, and I would make enough money to pay my rent, maybe have basic cable, maybe not, I didnt really have a plan, my point is that, by the time I was your age, I really thought I knew who I was, but I had no idea. Like for example, when I was your age, I was dating men. So what Im saying is, when youre older, most of you will be gay. Anyone writing this stuff downParents　　Anyway, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and the way I ended up on this path was from a very tragic event. I was maybe 19, and my girlfriend at the time was killed in a car accident. And I passed the accident, and I didnt know it was her and I kept　　going, and I found out shortly after that, it was her. And I was living in a basement apartment, I had no money, I had no heat, no air, I had a mattress on the floor and the apartment was infested with fleas. And I was soulsearching, I was like, why is she suddenly gone, and there are fleas hereI dont understand, there must be a purpose, and wouldnt it be so convenient if we could pick up the phone and call God, and ask these questions.　　And I started writing and what poured out of me was an imaginary conversation with God, which was onesided, and I finished writing it and I looked at it and I said to