【正文】 und.For many months afterward, and at many times since, I was swallowed up in the deep fog of grief—what I think of as the void—an emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even to breathe.Dave’s death changed me in very profound ways. I learned about the depths of sadness and the brutality of loss. But I also learned that when life sucks you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface, and breathe again. I learned that in the face of the void—or in the face of any challenge—you can choose joy and meaning.I’m sharing this with you in the hopes that today, as you take the next step in your life, you can learn the lessons that I only learned in death. Lessons about hope, strength, and the light within us that will not be extinguished.Everyone who has made it through Cal has already experienced some disappointment. You wanted an A but you got a B. OK, let’s be honest—you got an A but you’re still mad. You applied for an internship at Facebook, but you only got one from Google. She was the love of your life… but then she swiped left.Game of Thrones the show has diverged way too much from the books—and you bothered to read all four thousand three hundred and fiftytwo pages.You will almost certainly face more and deeper adversity. There’s loss of opportunity: the job that doesn’t work out, the illness or accident that changes everything in an instant. There’s loss of dignity: the sharp sting of prejudice when it happens. There’s loss of love: the broken relationships that can’t be fixed. And sometimes there’s loss of life itself.Some of you have already experienced the kind of tragedy and hardship that leave an indelible mark. Last year, Radhika, the winner of the University Medal, spoke so beautifully about the sudden loss of her mother.The question is not if some of these things will happen to you. They will. Today I want to talk about what happens next. About the things you can do to overe adversity, no matter what form it takes or when it hits you. The easy days ahead of you will be easy. It is the hard days—the times that challenge you to your very core—that will determine who you are. You will be defined not just by what you achieve, but by how you survive.A few weeks after Dave died, I was talking to my friend Phil about a fatherson activity that Dave was not here to do. We came up with a plan to fill in for Dave. I cried to him, “But I want Dave.” Phil put his arm around me and said, “Option A is not available. So let’s just kick the shit out of option B.”We all at some point live some form of option B. The question is: What do we do then?As a representative of Silicon Valley, I’m pleased to tell you there is data to learn from. After spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman found that there are three P’s—personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence—that are critical to how we bounce back from hardship. The seeds of resilience are planted in the way we process the negative events in our lives.The first P is personalization—the belief that we are at fault. This is different from taking responsibility, which you should always do. This is the lesson that not everything that happens to us happens because of us.When Dave died, I had a very mon reaction, which was to blame myself. He died in seconds from a cardiac arrhythmia. I poured over his medical records asking what I could have—or should have—done. It wasn’t until I learned about the three P’s that I accepted that I could not have prevented his death. His doctors had not identified his coronary artery disease. I was an economics major。祝賀所有人……尤其是伯克利2016的畢業(yè)生們！在伯克利求學是一件幸事，這里出過眾多的諾貝爾獎得主、圖靈獎獲得者、宇航員、國會議員和奧運會金牌得主……而且都有女性！伯克利從來走在時代前列。伯克利1873年建校，第一屆學生中有167名男生，222名女生。高中時，她的父母讓她輟學養(yǎng)家，幸好被一位老師及時勸服才能繼續(xù)上學。非常感謝伯克利當年慧眼識才。至少也該感謝你在聚會上睡著后沒用記號筆在你臉上亂畫的小伙伴們。臺下青春洋溢，演講臺上睿智深刻?；蛟S你們還是會扔帽子，還是會拍很多照片。一年零13天前，我的丈夫戴夫去世了，很突然也很意外。后來我坐飛機回家將這個不幸的消息告訴了孩子們，最后親眼看著他的棺材下葬。但我也明白了，當生活給你當頭一棒，墮入悲傷之海，你能做的就是奮力游向水面，大口呼吸。你想考A，結果只得到一個B。有時尊嚴盡失：刻薄的偏見常常刺痛人心。去年大學獎章得主拉迪卡曾發(fā)表演講，動情講述了母親突然去世的悲痛。要發(fā)掘真實的內心，不僅要看取得的成就，更要看逆境中如何奮起?！狈茽枔ё∥艺f：“A計劃不行了，將就將就用B計劃吧。不要過分自責，就是說不要把悲傷的原因攬到自己身上。我翻遍他的病歷尋找線索，看看我要是做了什么，戴夫就不會死。大學里游泳運動員成績不理想，但是只要堅信可以游得更好，就能實現。人們常常會以為悲傷大過天，根本無處可逃。我心里想的都是，“他們都