【正文】 e is power!S: Bye!(走)T: Let’s play cards!(三人開始打牌)音樂《斗地主》 B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(變成B1)B1:(接近三人，望著)Can I join you? J: I’m sorry, are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are :(在一旁觀看)Oh,Chance!Bomb!T: Bomb?(打出)B1: Double King!T: Oh….I win!Em……,Lady, you are a in and teach me!(準(zhǔn)備開電網(wǎng)門)S:(回來，看見B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)B1:（倒)Ah……T:(氣憤)Wukong!Look what have done!She is my teacher!S: She is a monster!T: Nonsense!(深呼吸)S: Oh,please don’t……T:It’s too late!(唱)Once more……you open the door…(泰坦尼克主題曲，走音離譜)S: Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱頭)T:(嗆住，咳)Wukong, I’m disappointed with you!B:(真身出現(xiàn))Hm!Sun Wukong, I’ll teach you a lesson!(變成太婆)B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter? T: Daughter?...(連忙擋住地尸體)No, sorry!(陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T擋)S:（咬牙切齒）You monster, I’ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S打，不想打到T頭，T暈，S再打死B2)Eamp。J: Are you Ok, boss?(扶T)J: Look,(伸食指)how many? T:Two…..(暈乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game over!(變成B3)B3:(看到B1,B2尸體)Oh….,my daughter, my wife!Who did it?！(哭喊)S: I’ll kill you, monster!(打)T:（想阻止，未及）You,you.....(險些暈，E,J扶住)You have killed three lives!S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster!T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go！S:(悲，離去)（音樂，營造 “假”悲傷氣氛）《人鬼情未了》 J: boss, brother Monkey is.......T: Don39。t mention that guy any more!B:(出現(xiàn))Ha,ha,ha!(三尸體B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飄”走)T:（驚）You are......B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗，被擊退)B:(抓住T)I39。ll enjoy your meat and blood, ha, ha......S:(悄悄走到B后，打B,B暈)A thousand years : Wukong? E: Oh, Brother Monkey!J: Our hero is back!T: I,I can39。t understand......What happened? S: Boss,your IQ needs increasing!This monster changed its appearance into three shapes in order to cheat you!T: How, how did you find out? S:(沉默).......Monkey39。s intuition(直覺)T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I39。m sorry(小聲)S: What? T: I39。m : Em? Louder, please?T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)（音樂響）《敢問路在何方》（這個放伴奏）(謝幕)愛在西元前第三篇：孔雀東南飛英語搞笑短劇劇本焦仲卿johnny(j for short)劉蘭芝lunch(l for short)焦母johnny’s mother(jm for short)劉母lunch’s mother(lm for short)太守之子mayor’s son(ms for short)強(qiáng)盜burglars(a b and c)prologue 序幕(j作被打狀跑上臺,內(nèi)砸出一卷紙筒,j被打中,狼狽不堪)j:everybody says that i’m hen pecked, but in fact,i’m a strong tiger,(小聲)while my wife is ：人人都說我怕老婆，實(shí)際上我是老虎，（小聲）我妻子是武松。(指著上臺處的門大聲道)i’m not afraid of you!譯：我才不怕你呢！(內(nèi)砸出一臉盆,j接住當(dāng)成盾牌護(hù)著頭)then, i’m afraid of whom!my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the is braver than me, smarter than me and stronger than this i do not only want her to be tenderer than she is not!having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!譯：誰怕誰?。≡卩徖镏?，我妻子是最有名氣的。她比我勇敢、比我聰明、比我強(qiáng)壯。我也不在乎這些。我只覺得她該對我溫柔些，但是她卻不懂溫柔！有這樣的太太就像活在地獄中?。?內(nèi)又砸出一卷紙筒,擊中j)my god!who can help me?(下)譯：我的天！誰來救救我?。?act1 第一幕(序幕結(jié)束時,jm作竊聽狀)jm(拄拐棍上):i can!(對門內(nèi))lunch!lunch!where are you? l(扎著圍裙,拿著鍋鏟,從門內(nèi)跳出來):i’m here!what’s up，mum? jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and dearest motherinlaw”.l: most beautiful graceful and dearest motherinlaw, what’s up?jm:since you married my son you have behaved so have been so rude, so brusque,so lazy…… l:but……jm:never interrupt me!l:never interrupt me!since i married your son, that terrible johnny, i have been working hard all day long, cooking and have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken and……jm: but all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!l(生氣地?fù)]動著鍋鏟):oh, you want a grandson, don’t you?(開始解圍裙)go and ask your ’m leaving!(扯下圍裙,扔在jm的臉上,下)act2(lm坐在臺上打毛線,l拿著鍋鏟上)l: mum, i’m back!lm: you are back?why? what happened? l:i was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–(驚訝,但隨即露出幸災(zāi)樂禍的神情):see!i have already told you!when you insisted on marrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly, stupid and poor, but you did not listen to at yourself…… l: but, mum…… lm: never interrupt me!l: mum, i’m not interrupting just want to tell you that you are always right ok? And i’ll marry whomever you want me (大喜): nice girl!just now, i met the mayor’s son in the said, “if your daughter haven’t been married, i really r